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math homework jokes Math Jokes is featured in of family, the Top Ten Educational Sites on the World-Wide Web. (Learning in Motion's, September 2000 issue), see http://www.learn.motion.com. The suggested collection of mathematical folklore might be enjoyable for mathematicians and for case study students because every joke contains a portion of truth or lie about our profession. Meals. The selected jokes and sayings contain something essential about case, mathematics, the benefits meals, mathematical way of thinking, or mathematical pop-culture. We have slightly edited and systematized selected jokes, and added a few new ones. We are concerned that publication of sacral lecture jokes may endanger the Focus Essay, respect to math. teachers in freshmen classes. Our excuse for this risky ethnographic research is that the benefits, majority of the benihana cost, jokes already exists on the Internet. Sometimes, people tend to attribute the of family, jokes either to their beloved teachers (Peter Lax is so far the champion) or to legendary figures as Norbert Wiener or Paul Erdos; similarly, physical jokes are attributed to Albert Einstein or Niels Bohr and geometrical theorems - to Euclid. Benihana Cost. A number of collected jokes we learned from our professors in Saint-Petersburg. Generally, attributing the jokes is of family, hopeless.
Indeed, the phrasing of the narrator is Enhancing Focus Essay, as important as the essence of the humor (if this essence does exist at all). To our mind, a joke goes to public domain immediately after being created or modified and there should be no authorship in it. Most of the collected sayings and jokes are repeated in a number of webpages, which makes it difficult to credit a particular Internet source. Instead, we thank all Internet collectors of math. jokes. Let's start with general definitions. Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into benefits theorems (P. Erdos) Addendum: American coffee is good for study lemmas. An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. A mathematician doesn't care.
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions. Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them, they translate it into their own language, and forthwith it means something entirely different. -- Goethe. Mathematics is the art of benefits of family meals giving the same name to different things. -- J. H. Poincare. What is a rigorous definition of rigor? There is no logical foundation of study mathematics, and Gödel has proved it! I do not think -- therefore I am not.
Here is the illustration of benefits of family this principle: One evening Rene Descartes went to did albert, relax at a local tavern. Of Family Meals. The tender approached and said, Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?. Descartes replied, I think not., and promptly vanished. A topologist is a person who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut. A mathematician is a blind man in A Sack, Tackle, in Time, a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. (Charles R Darwin) A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an benefits meals, accountant. Classification of in Time Essay mathematical problems as linear and benefits of family, nonlinear is like classification of the Universe as bananas and non-bananas. A law of conservation of difficulties: there is no easy way to and Touchdown in Time Essay, prove a deep result. A tragedy of mathematics is a beautiful conjecture ruined by an ugly fact.
Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives. Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated. The actual quote from the Webster dictionary: syn SCAD, gob(s), heap, jillion, load(s), million, oodles, quantities, thousand, wad(s) Mathematics is like checkers in being suitable for benefits of family meals the young, not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state. (Plato)
The difference between an introvert and of 1877, extrovert mathematicians is: An introvert mathematician looks at his shoes while talking to you. An extrovert mathematician looks at your shoes. A bit of theology. Math is the language God used to write the universe. Asked if he believes in one God, a mathematician answered: Yes, up to isomorphism. God is real, unless proclaimed integer. Medicine makes people ill, mathematics make them sad and theology makes them sinful. (Martin Luther) The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. Benefits. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell. (St. The Great Compromise. Augustine)
He who can properly define and of family meals, divide is to be considered a god. (Plato) God geometrizes says Plato. and here is the analytical continuation of this saying: Biologists think they are biochemists, Biochemists think they are Physical Chemists, Physical Chemists think they are Physicists, Physicists think they are Gods, And God thinks he is a Mathematician. Physicists defer only to mathematicians, mathematicians defer only to God. 2. What Einstein Accomplish. A mathematician and . The following sketches show our dedication to abstract thinking in the most unusual situations and strong belief in of family, the universality of Tackle, and Touchdown in Time Essay mathematical methods. Mathematicians are always impatient and intelligent.
A mathematician and a Wall street broker went to races. The broker suggested to bet $10,000 on a horse. Meals. The mathematician was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. The broker whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince the enron, mathematician. You are too theoretical, he said and bet on of family meals, a horse. Tackle, And Touchdown. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money. Triumphantly, he exclaimed: I told you, I knew the secret!
What is your secret? the mathematician asked. It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine. But, three and five is eight, the of family meals, mathematician protested.
I told you, you are too theoretical! the broker replied, Haven't I just shown experimentally, that my calculation is correct! 3+5=9! A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer went again to the races and laid their money down. On Airplane Security Essay. Commiserating in the bar after the race, the benefits meals, engineer says, I don't understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the horses and calculated their strength and the great, mechanical advantage and figured out how fast they could run.
The physicist interrupted him: . but you didn't take individual variations into account. I did a statistical analysis of benefits of family their previous performances and bet on A Sack, Tackle, Essay, the horses with the highest probability of winning. . Of Family. so if you're so hot why are you broke? asked the engineer. But before the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and they get a glimpse of Focus on Airplane Security and Safety his well-fattened wallet. Obviously here was a man who knows something about horses. They both demanded to know his secret. Well, he says, first I assumed all the horses were identical and spherical.
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and benefits of family meals, smells smoke. What Did Albert Einstein. He goes out into benefits the hallway and the great compromise of 1877, sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and benefits of family meals, douses the fire. He goes back to Essay on The Joy of the Outdoors, bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. Benefits Meals. extinguishes the fire with the Enhancing and Safety Essay, minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and benefits of family, smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and the great compromise of 1877, then exclaims, Ah, a solution exists! and then goes back to bed. A physicist and benefits of family, a mathematician are sitting in a faculty lounge. The Great. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on benefits meals, fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leap towards the benihana cost, sink, filled the meals, bucket with water and puts out the fire. Second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on compromise, fire. This time, the of family meals, mathematician stands up, got a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one. A Sack, And Touchdown In Time. Another version: A mathematician and an engineer are on desert island.
They find two palm trees with one coconut each. The engineer climbs up one tree, gets the coconut, eats. The mathematician climbs up the other tree, gets the coconut, climbs the other tree and puts it there. Now we've reduced it to meals, a problem we know how to solve. A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street cafe watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes they reappeared together with a third person.
- They have multiplied, said the accomplish, biologist. - Oh no, an error in measurement, the physicist sighed. - If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again, the mathematician concluded. Several scientists were all posed the following question: What is 2 * 2 ? The engineer whips out meals, his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces 3.99. The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces it lies between 3.98 and 4.02. The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!. Philosopher smiles: But what do you mean by study, 2 * 2 ? Logician replies: Please define 2 * 2 more precisely. The sociologist: I don't know, but is was nice talking about it. Behavioral Ecologist: A polygamous mating system.
Medical Student : 4 All others looking astonished : How did you know ?? Medical Student : :I memorized it. A physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all time. Benefits Of Family. The physicist chose the fire, which gave humanity the power over matter. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over benihana cost symbols. The mystic chose the thermos bottle. Why a thermos bottle? the others asked.
Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and of family, cold liquids cold in summer. Think about it. said the mystic reverently. That little bottle -- how does it *know*? At least this time we are together with the physicist! : An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to Enhancing on Airplane and Safety Essay, open the benefits, can.
Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: Assume we have a can opener . A mathematician is asked to benihana cost, design a table. He first designs a table with no legs. Meals. Then he designs a table with infinitely many legs. He spend the rest of his life generalizing the results for A Sack, in Time the table with N legs (where N is not necessarily a natural number). Several scientists were all posed the following question: What is pi ? The engineer said: It is approximately 3 and 1/7 The physicist said: It is benefits of family meals, 3.14159 The mathematician thought a bit, and replied It is equal to pi.
(A nutritionist: Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert! ) An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician were asked to hammer a nail into a wall. The engineer went to build a Universal Automatic Nailer -- a device able to hammer every possible nail into every possible wall. The physicist conducted series of experiments on what did albert accomplish, strength of hammers, nails, and walls and developed a revolutionary technology of ultra-sonic nail hammering at benefits of family meals super-low temperature. The mathematician generalized the problem to a N dimensional problem of penetration of a knotted one dimensional nail into a N-1 dimensional hyper-wall. Several fundamental theorems are proved. Of course, the problem is too rich to suggest a possibility of a simple solution, even the existence of a solution is Enhancing Focus Security and Safety Essay, far from benefits of family, obvious. A mathematician, a physicist, and study, an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the benefits, train.
Aha, says the engineer, I see that Scottish sheep are black. Hmm, says the the great, physicist, You mean that some Scottish sheep are black. No, says the mathematician, All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black! A mathematician, scientist, and of family meals, engineer are each asked: Suppose we define a horse's tail to be a leg. How many legs does a horse have? The mathematician answers 5; the scientist 1; and the engineer says But you can't do that! A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identical rubber balls and told to find the volume.
They are given anything they want to measure it, and have all the time they need. The mathematician pulls out the great of 1877, a measuring tape and records the circumference. Of Family Meals. He then divides by two times pi to get the Essay on The, radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by of family, four-thirds and thereby calculates the Tackle, and Touchdown, volume. The physicist gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures. And the engineer? He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up. A Mathematician (M) and an Engineer (E) attend a lecture by a Physicist. The topic concerns Kulza-Klein theories involving physical processes that occur in benefits, spaces with dimensions of 9, 12 and even higher. The M is what accomplish, sitting, clearly enjoying the lecture, while the E is benefits meals, frowning and looking generally confused and compromise, puzzled. By the end the E has a terrible headache.
At the end, the M comments about the wonderful lecture. E: How do you understand this stuff? M: I just visualize the process E: How can you POSSIBLY visualize something that occurs in 9-dimensional space? M: Easy, first visualize it in N-dimensional space, then let N go to 9 A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc.
A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and benefits of family meals, proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the Tackle,, length! A mathematician and of family, a physicist agree to a psychological experiment. The (hungry) mathematician is put in a chair in case, a large empty room and his favorite meal, perfectly prepared, is benefits meals, placed at the other end of the room.
The psychologist explains, You are to remain in your chair. Every minute, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the meal. The mathematician looks at the psychologist in compromise of 1877, disgust. What? I'm not going to go through this.
You know I'll never reach the benefits of family, food! And he gets up and storms out. The psychologist ushers the physicist in. He explains the situation, and the physicist's eyes light up and he starts drooling. The psychologist is what did albert einstein accomplish, a bit confused. Don't you realize that you'll never reach the food? T he physicist smiles and replies: Of course! But I'll get close enough for all practical purposes! One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and benefits of family meals, asked them to case study, fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of benefits of family meals fence. The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.
The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed We can assume the length is Essay, infinite. and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it. The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and benefits meals, said I declare myself to be on the outside. The physicist and Essay on The Joy of, the engineer are in a hot-air balloon. Of Family Meals. Soon, they find themselves lost in benihana cost, a canyon somewhere. They yell out for help: Helllloooooo! Where are we? 15 minutes later, they hear an echoing voice: Helllloooooo! You're in a hot-air balloon!! The physicist says, That must have been a mathematician. The engineer asks, Why do you say that?
The physicist replied: The answer was absolutely correct, and it was utterly useless. Several scientists were asked to prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime. Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is of family, a prime, and by induction - every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime. Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is on The the Outdoors, a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime. Just to be sure, try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime. Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is benefits, a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an case, approximation to a prime, 11 is a prime. Programmer (reading the output on of family meals, the screen): 3 is a prime, 3 is a prime, 3 a is prime, 3 is a prime. Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is Tackle, and Touchdown Essay, a prime, 9 -- results have not arrived yet. Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it.
Chemist (or Dan Quayle): What's a prime? Politician: Some numbers are prime.. but the goal is to create a kinder, gentler society where all numbers are prime. Programmer: Wait a minute, I think I have an algorithm from Knuth on benefits, finding prime numbers. just a little bit longer, I've found the last bug. no, that's not it. ya know, I think there may be a compiler bug here - oh, did you want IEEE-998.0334 rounding or not? - was that in the spec? - hold on, I've almost got it - I was up all night working on this program, ya know. now if management would just get me that new workstation that just came out, I'd be done by now. etc., etc. . (Two is the oddest prime of all, because it's the only one that's even!) Dean, to benihana cost, the physics department. Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math. department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper.
A mathematician, an engineer, and a chemist were walking down the road when they saw a pile of cans of beer. Unfortunately, they were the old-fashioned cans that do not have the of family meals, tab at the top. A Sack, Tackle, And Touchdown In Time. One of them proposed that they split up and find can openers. The chemist went to his lab and concocted a magical chemical that dissolves the can top in benefits of family meals, an instant and evaporates the Tackle, and Touchdown Essay, next instant so that the beer inside is of family meals, not affected. The engineer went to his workshop and created a new HyperOpener that can open 25 cans per second. They went back to enron case study, the pile with their inventions and found the mathematician finishing the last can of of family meals beer. How did you manage that? they asked in astonishment. The mathematician answered, Oh, well, I assumed they were open and went from there.
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no doubt already heard. After some observations and rough calculations the engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing. Benihana Cost. A few minutes later the physicist understands too and chuckles to himself happily as he now has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper. This leaves the benefits of family meals, mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he had observed right away that he was the subject of an anecdote, and deduced quite rapidly the presence of humor from similar anecdotes, but considers this anecdote to be too trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny. New York (CNN). At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a high school mathematics teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in the great, possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator. According to law enforcement officials, he is benefits of family, believed to have ties to on The Joy of the Outdoors, the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. It was later discovered that he taught the benefits, students to solve their problem with the help of radicals! A mathematician organizes a lottery in which the prize is an infinite amount of money. When the winning ticket is Tackle, and Touchdown Essay, drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment: 1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the benefits, week after that.
A Mathematician was put in A Sack, Essay, a room. Of Family Meals. The room contains a table and three metal spheres about the size of a softball. He was told to do whatever he wants with the study, balls and the table in one hour. After an hour, the balls are arranges in benefits, a triangle at benihana cost the center of the table. The same test is given to a Physicist. Benefits Meals. After an hour, the balls are stacked one on top of the other in the center of the table. Finally, an Engineer was tested. What Did Albert Einstein. After an of family meals, hour, one of the compromise of 1877, balls is broken, one is missing, and he's carrying the third out in his lunchbox.
A mathematician decides he wants to of family, learn more about practical problems. He sees a seminar with a nice title: The Theory of Gears. So he goes. The speaker stands up and the Outdoors, begins, The theory of gears with a real number of benefits of family meals teeth is well known . When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. Benihana Cost. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer. Benefits Of Family Meals. What is the difference between a Psychotic, a Neurotic and a mathematician? A Psychotic believes that 2+2=5. A Neurotic knows that 2+2=4, but it kills him.
A mathematician simply changes the base. Q: What will a logician choose: a half of an egg or eternal bliss in Joy of the Outdoors, the afterlife? A: A half of an egg! Because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and a half of an egg is better than nothing. A physicist has been conducting experiments and has worked out a set of equations which seem to explain his data. He asks a mathematician to check them.
A week later, the mathematician calls I'm sorry, but your equations are complete nonsense. But these equations accurately predict results of experiments. Are you sure they are completely wrong? To be precise, they are not always a complete nonsense. But the only case in which they are true is the trivial one where the benefits of family, field is A Sack, in Time Essay, Archimedean. Benefits Of Family Meals. A mathematician belives nothing until it is proven. A physicist believes everything until it is proven wrong. A chemist doesn't care.
biologist doesn't understand the benihana cost, question. An engineer and a topologist were locked in benefits, the rooms for a day with a can of food but without an opener. At the end of the day, the Enhancing on Airplane and Safety, engineer is sitting on the floor of his room and eating from the open can: He threw it against meals, the walls until it cracked open. Compromise Of 1877. In the meals, mathematician's room, the and Touchdown, can is benefits, still closed but the mathematician has disappeared. There are strange noises coming from inside the can. When it is opened and the mathematician crawls out. Damn! I got a sign wrong. A mathematician has spent ten years trying to prove the Riemann hypothesis.
Finally, he decides to sell his soul to the devil in exchange for a proof. The devil promises to deliver a proof in the four weeks. The Outdoors. Half a year later, the devil shows up again - in a rather gloomy mood. I'm sorry, he says. I couldn't prove the benefits of family, hypothesis either. But - and his face lightens up - I think I found a really interesting lemma. To mathematicians, solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists, solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
These sketches demonstrate how desperately we want to push the math into the public education, and benihana cost, the struggle and benefits meals, passion of math. students. The Evolution of Math Teaching 1960s: A peasant sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to A Sack, Tackle, in Time Essay, 4/5 of his selling price. Benefits Of Family Meals. What is his profit? 1970s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10.
His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price, that is, $8. What is study, his profit? 1970s (new math): A farmer exchanges a set P of benefits of family meals potatoes with set M of money. The cardinality of the set M is equal to 10, and each element of M is worth $1. What Did Albert Accomplish. Draw ten big dots representing the elements of M. Benefits Of Family. The set C of production costs is composed of two big dots less than the set M. Benihana Cost. Represent C as a subset of M and give the answer to of family meals, the question: What is the Essay Joy of the Outdoors, cardinality of the set of profits? 1980s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10.
His production costs are $8, and his profit is $2. Underline the word potatoes and discuss with your classmates. 1990s: A farmer sells a bag of benefits meals potatoes for $10. His or her production costs are 0.80 of A Sack, Tackle, and Touchdown in Time Essay his or her revenue. Meals. On your calculator, graph revenue vs. Focus Security And Safety. costs. Run the POTATO program to determine the profit. Benefits Meals. Discuss the result with students in your group. Benihana Cost. Write a brief essay that analyzes this example in of family meals, the real world of economics. (Anon: adapted from The American Mathematical Monthly, Vol.
101, No. 5, May 1994 (Reprinted by STan Kelly-Bootle in Unix Review, Oct 94) Top ten excuses for not doing homework: I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames. Isaac Newton's birthday. I could only did albert, get arbitrarily close to benefits meals, my textbook.
I couldn't actually reach it. I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in and Touchdown Essay, this margin. I was watching the World Series and benefits of family meals, got tied up trying to prove that it converged. I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy. I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it. I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the A Sack, Tackle, in Time Essay, square root of benefits of family negative one. I took time out to enron, snack on benefits meals, a doughnut and a cup of on Airplane and Safety Essay coffee. I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it. Warning! It is against benefits meals, the rule to use these excuses in my classes! A. Ch. A professor's enthusiasm for study teaching precalculus varies inversely with the likelihood of his having to do it. A student comes to the department with a shiny new cup, the sort of meals which you get when having won something. He explained: I won it in the MD Math Contest. They asked what 7 + 7 is.
I said 12 and got 3rd place! Two male mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and A Sack, Tackle, and Touchdown in Time, claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of of family math. The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress.
He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer one third x cubed. She repeats one thir -- dex cue? He repeats one third x cubed. Her: `one thir dex cuebd'? Yes, that's right, he says. The Great. So she agrees, and benefits, goes off mumbling to herself, one thir dex cuebd. . The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over of 1877 the waitress and asks what is the integral of x squared?.
The waitress says one third x cubed and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder plus a constant! A mathematician, native Texan, once was asked in his class: What is benefits of family, mathematics good for? He replied: This question makes me sick. Like when you show somebody the Grand Canyon for the first time, and he asks you `What's is good for?' What would you do? Why, you would kick the guy off the cliff. A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. Essay On The The Outdoors. The pharmacist says Here's a pill for English literature. The student takes the pill and meals, swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature! What else do you have? asks the enron case, student.
Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and benefits of family, world history, replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, Do you have a pill for math? The pharmacist says Wait just a moment, and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and compromise of 1877, plunks it on the counter. I have to meals, take that huge pill for benihana cost math? inquires the student. The pharmacist replied Well, you know math always was a little hard to of family meals, swallow. Golden rule for math teachers: You must tell the truth, and nothing but the benihana cost, truth, but not the whole truth. A math professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. Q:What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples?
A:Answer: A senior high school math problem. Teacher: Now suppose the meals, number of sheep is x . Student: Yes sir, but what happens if the number of sheep is not x ? Mathematician U. was a great friend of his five-year old grandson. They discussed everything including math and U. was very proud of the boys math talents. The child went to kindergarten; In two weeks the he ask U.to help with the difficult math problem: There are four airplanes flying, then two more airplanes join them. How many airplanes are flying now? U. was very disappointed by the simplicity of the problem. Benihana Cost. What confuses you? he asked. Benefits. The child says: I know, of course, that 4 + 2 =6, but I cannot figure out what the airplanes have do with this! A lecturer tells some students to learn the study, phone-book by heart.
The mathematicians are baffled: `By heart? You kidding?' The mathematicians are baffled: `By heart? You kidding?' The physics-students ask: `Why?' The engineers sigh: `Do we have to?' The chemistry-students ask: `Till next Monday?' The accounting-students (scribbling): `Till tomorrow?' The laws-students answer: `We already have.' The medicine-students ask: `Should we start on the Yellow Pages?'
Quotes from math students and lecturers This is a one line proof. Benefits Meals. if we start sufficiently far to Tackle, and Touchdown Essay, the left. The problems for meals the exam will be similar to Tackle,, the discussed in of family, the class. Of course, the Essay Joy of, numbers will be different. But not all of them. Benefits Of Family. Pi will still be 3.14159. Violets are blue,
Greens' functions are boring. And so are Fourier transforms. Sex and drugs? They're nothing compared with a good proof! Yeah, I used to think it was just recreational. then I started doin' it during the week. you know, simple stuff: differentiation, kinematics. Then I got into Essay on The Joy of the Outdoors integration by parts. Meals. I started doin' it every night: path integrals, holomorphic functions. Now I'm on diophantine equations and sinking deeper into transfinite analysis. Don't let them tell you it's just recreational. Fortunately, I can quit any time I want.
He was restless during the days and Enhancing on Airplane Security and Safety Essay, couldn't sleep at night - always trying to solve his problem. When he had finally done it, he wasn't happy: he calls himself a complete idiot and throws all his notes into the garbage. Then he said, he really enjoyed it. Do you love your math more than me? Of course not, dear - I love you much more. OK. Let R be the set of all lovable objects. A graduate student of mathematics who used to of family meals, come to einstein, the University on benefits of family, foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle. Where did you get the Security and Safety Essay, bike from? his friends asked.
It's a `thank you' present, he explains, from of family meals, that freshman girl I've been tutoring. Yesterday she called me and told that she had passed her math final and wanted to drop by to thank me in person. She arrived at my place on her bicycle. When I had let her in, she took all her clothes off, smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me whatever you desire!' One of his friends remarks: You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle. Yeah, another friend adds, just imagine how silly you would have looked in a girl's clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you anyway! 4. Seminar semantics, etc. Next passages contain little professional secrets. They reflect the conflict between the A Sack, Tackle, and Touchdown in Time, dreams of classical clear presentations, the complexity of modern math problems, and the survival tactics of the authors.
Now we'll prove the theorem. In fact I'll prove it all by myself. How to prove it. Of Family Meals. Guide for lecturers. Proof by vigorous handwaving: Works well in Enhancing Focus on Airplane Security and Safety, a classroom or seminar setting.
Proof by forward reference: Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the meals, author, which is often not as forthcoming as at first. Proof by funding: How could three different government agencies be wrong? Proof by example: The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the and Touchdown in Time, ideas of the general proof. Proof by omission: The reader may easily supply the details or The other 253 cases are analogous Proof by benefits meals, deferral: We'll prove this later in the course. Proof by Essay, picture: A more convincing form of proof by example. Combines well with proof by omission. Proof by intimidation: Trivial. Proof by adverb: As is quite clear, the elementary aforementioned statement is obviously valid.
Proof by seduction: Convince yourself that this is benefits of family meals, true! Proof by cumbersome notation: Best done with access to enron case, at least four alphabets and special symbols. Proof by benefits of family meals, exhaustion: An issue or two of a journal devoted to Enhancing Focus on Airplane Security and Safety, your proof is useful. Proof by obfuscation: A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless syntactically related statements. Proof by wishful citation: The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from the literature to support his claims. Proof by eminent authority: I saw Karp in the elevator and benefits of family meals, he said it was probably NP- complete. Proof by personal communication: Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete [Karp, personal communication]. Proof by reduction to the wrong problem: To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping is decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem.
Proof by reference to inaccessible literature: The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian Philological Society, 1883. Proof by importance: A large body of useful consequences all follow from the benihana cost, proposition in question. Proof by accumulated evidence: Long and diligent search has not revealed a counterexample. Proof by cosmology: The negation of the proposition is unimaginable or meaningless. Popular for proofs of the existence of God. Proof by mutual reference: In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in reference B, which is shown to follow from Corollary 6.2 in reference C, which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in reference A. Proof by metaproof: A method is given to construct the desired proof. The correctness of the method is proved by any of these techniques. Proof by vehement assertion: It is useful to have some kind of authority relation to the audience.
Proof by ghost reference: Nothing even remotely resembling the cited theorem appears in benefits of family meals, the reference given. Proof by semantic shift: Some of the standard but inconvenient definitions are changed for the statement of the result. Proof by appeal to intuition: Cloud-shaped drawings frequently help here. Dictionary of einstein Definitions of meals Terms Commonly Used in Math. lectures. The following is a guide to terms which are commonly used but rarely defined.
In the search for what accomplish proper definitions for these terms we found no authoritative, nor even recognized, source. Thus, we followed the advice of mathematicians handed down from time immortal: Wing It. CLEARLY: I don't want to write down all the in- between steps. TRIVIAL: If I have to show you how to do this, you're in the wrong class. Benefits Of Family. OBVIOUSLY: I hope you weren't sleeping when we discussed this earlier, because I refuse to repeat it. RECALL: I shouldn't have to tell you this, but for those of you who erase your memory tapes after every test.
WLOG (Without Loss Of Generality): I'm not about to do all the possible cases, so I'll do one and let you figure out the rest. IT CAN EASILY BE SHOWN: Even you, in Enhancing Focus, your finite wisdom, should be able to prove this without me holding your hand. CHECK or CHECK FOR YOURSELF: This is the meals, boring part of the Enhancing Focus Security and Safety, proof, so you can do it on your own time. SKETCH OF A PROOF: I couldn't verify all the of family meals, details, so I'll break it down into Focus Security and Safety the parts I couldn't prove. HINT: The hardest of several possible ways to do a proof. BRUTE FORCE (AND IGNORANCE): Four special cases, three counting arguments, two long inductions, and a partridge in a pair tree. SOFT PROOF: One third less filling (of the page) than your regular proof, but it requires two extra years of course work just to of family, understand the terms. ELEGANT PROOF: Requires no previous knowledge of the did albert einstein accomplish, subject matter and is less than ten lines long. SIMILARLY: At least one line of the proof of this case is the meals, same as before. CANONICAL FORM: 4 out of 5 mathematicians surveyed recommended this as the final form for their students who choose to did albert einstein accomplish, finish. TFAE (The Following Are Equivalent): If I say this it means that, and if I say that it means the benefits meals, other thing, and if I say the other thing.
BY A PREVIOUS THEOREM: I don't remember how it goes (come to think of it I'm not really sure we did this at all), but if I stated it right (or at the great of 1877 all), then the rest of this follows. TWO LINE PROOF: I'll leave out everything but the conclusion, you can't question 'em if you can't see 'em. BRIEFLY: I'm running out of time, so I'll just write and talk faster. Meals. LET'S TALK THROUGH IT: I don't want to write it on the board lest I make a mistake. Enhancing Focus And Safety Essay. PROCEED FORMALLY: Manipulate symbols by the rules without any hint of their true meaning (popular in pure math courses). Of Family Meals. QUANTIFY: I can't find anything wrong with your proof except that it won't work if x is a moon of Jupiter (Popular in applied math courses). PROOF OMITTED: Trust me, It's true.
Traditional - contemporary math dictionary. Professional secrets. The highest moments in study, the life of a mathematician are the first few moments after one has proved the result, but before one finds the mistake. Golden rule of deriving: never trust any result that was proved after 11 PM. The professional quality of a mathematician is inversely proportional to the importance it attaches to space and benefits meals, equipment. Relations between pure and benihana cost, applied mathematicians are based on trust and understanding. Namely, pure mathematicians do not trust applied mathematicians, and applied mathematicians do not understand pure mathematicians. How dare of you to think that I am an benefits meals, analyst! Some mathematicians become so tense these days that they that they do not go to sleep during seminars. If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on on The the Outdoors, the shoulders of giants.
In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side with the giants on whose shoulders we stand. If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on benefits of family meals, my shoulders. Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders. Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders while computer scientists stand on each other's toes. It has been said that physicists stand on one another's shoulders. If this is the case, then programmers stand on one another's toes, and software engineers dig each other's graves. These days, even the most pure and abstract mathematics is in danger to be applied. The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics is in Time, that it is cheaper to do this than to benefits of family meals, institutionalize all those people. Here, the powerful mathematical methods are successively applied to in Time, the real life problems.
All positive integers are interesting. Assume the benefits of family meals, contrary. Study. Then there is a lowest non-interesting positive integer. But, hey, that's pretty interesting! A contradiction. All positive integers are boring.
Assume the contrary. Then there is benefits, a lowest non-boring positive integer. Who cares! Mathematicians have announced the existence of a new whole number which lies between 27 and 28. What Did Albert Einstein Accomplish. We don't know why it's there or what it does, says Cambridge mathematician, Dr.
Hilliard Haliard, we only know that it doesn't behave properly when put into equations, and that it is divisible by six, though only benefits, once. There are two groups of people in the world; those who believe that the world can be divided into two groups of people, and those who don't. Theorem: The world is divided into two classes: people who say The world is divided into two classes, and people who say: The world is and Touchdown Essay, divided into two classes: people who say: The world is divided into of family meals two classes, and people who say: The world is divided into what einstein accomplish two classes: people who say . There are three kinds of people in the world; those who can count and those who can't. There are 10 kinds of of family people in the world, those who understand binary math, and those who don't. There really are only two types of people in the world, those that DON'T. DO MATH, and A Sack, Tackle, in Time, those that take care of them. The world is benefits meals, everywhere dense with idiots. A cat has nine tails.
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails. The less you know, the more you make. Proof: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power . Postulate 2: Time is Money . As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time. And since Knowledge = Power and Time = Money. It is therefore true that Knowledge = Work / Money . Solving for A Sack, Money , we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge. Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of meals Work done. Q: How do you tell that you are in the hands of the Mathematical Mafia? A: They make you an benihana cost, offer that you can't understand. The cherry theorem (a puzzle that reminds some of calculus theorems) Q: What is a small, red, round thing that has a cherry pit inside? Notes on the horse colors problem. Lemma 1. Meals. All horses are the same color. (Proof by did albert accomplish, induction) Proof.
It is obvious that one horse is the same color. Let us assume the proposition P(k) that k horses are the same color and use this to imply that k+1 horses are the of family, same color. Given the set of k+1 horses, we remove one horse; then the remaining k horses are the same color, by hypothesis. We remove another horse and replace the first; the k horses, by Essay the Outdoors, hypothesis, are again the same color. We repeat this until by exhaustion the k+1 sets of k horses have been shown to be the same color. It follows that since every horse is the same color as every other horse, P(k) entails P(k+1) . But since we have shown P(1) to be true, P is true for all succeeding values of benefits of family k , that is, all horses are the same color. Theorem 1. Every horse has an infinite number of legs. (Proof by intimidation.) Proof. Benihana Cost. Horses have an even number of legs.
Behind they have two legs and in front they have fore legs. This makes six legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a horse. But the of family, only number that is Enhancing Focus on Airplane Security Essay, both odd and of family meals, even is enron case, infinity. Therefore horses have an infinite number of legs. Benefits Of Family Meals. Now to show that this is general, suppose that somewhere there is a horse with a finite number of legs. But that is a horse of another color, and by what did albert accomplish, the lemma that does not exist. Corollary 1. Benefits. Everything is the same color. Proof. The proof of lemma 1 does not depend at Enhancing Security all on the nature of the of family, object under consideration.
The predicate of the antecedent of the universally-quantified conditional 'For all x , if x is a horse, then x is the same color,' namely 'is a horse' may be generalized to of 1877, 'is anything' without affecting the validity of the meals, proof; hence, 'for all x , if x is anything, x is the same color.' Corollary 2. Everything is white. Proof. If a sentential formula in x is logically true, then any particular substitution instance of it is a true sentence. In particular then: 'for all x , if x is an elephant, then x is the same color' is true. Now it is manifestly axiomatic that white elephants exist (for proof by Joy of, blatant assertion consult Mark Twain 'The Stolen White Elephant'). Therefore all elephants are white. By corollary 1 everything is white.
Theorem 2. Alexander the Great did not exist and he had an infinite number of limbs. Proof. We prove this theorem in of family, two parts. First we note the obvious fact that historians always tell the truth (for historians always take a stand, and therefore they cannot lie). Hence we have the historically true sentence, 'If Alexander the Great existed, then he rode a black horse Bucephalus.' But we know by corollary 2 everything is white; hence Alexander could not have ridden a black horse. Since the consequent of the conditional is Enhancing Focus and Safety, false, in order for the whole statement to be true the antecedent must be false. Hence Alexander the Great did not exist. We have also the of family meals, historically true statement that Alexander was warned by an oracle that he would meet death if he crossed a certain river. He had two legs; and 'forewarned is Focus, four-armed.' This gives him six limbs, an even number, which is certainly an odd number of limbs for a man.
Now the benefits meals, only number which is even and odd is infinity; hence Alexander had an infinite number of benihana cost limbs. We have thus proved that Alexander the Great did not exist and that he had an benefits of family meals, infinite number of limbs. According to statistics, there are 42 million alligator eggs laid every year. Of those, only about half get hatched. Enron Case. Of those that hatch, three fourths of them get eaten by benefits meals, predators in the first 36 days. And of the rest, only 5 percent get to be a year old for one reason or another. Essay Joy Of. Isn't statistics wonderful? If it weren't for benefits statistics, we'd be eaten by alligators! Let's play with math objects! An insane mathematician gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: I'll integrate you!
I'll differentiate you. Everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one lady stays. The guy comes up to her and says: Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you. The lady calmly answers: No, I am not scared, I am e^x . More advanced and more New York style story: A constant function and e^x are walking on Broadway. Then suddenly the constant function sees a differential operator approaching and runs away. So e^x follows him and asks why the hurry. Well, you see, there's this differential operator coming this way, and when we meet, he'll differentiate me and nothing will be left of benihana cost me. Ah, says e^x , he won't bother ME, I'm e to the x ! and he walks on.
Of course he meets the differential operator after a short distance. The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again. The shortest math joke: let epsilon be 0. (For native LaTex speakers: $$lim_ 3^2 = 16$$) 1 + 1 =3 , for sufficiently large one's. The combination of the of family, Einstein and Pythagoras discoveries: The limit as n goes to infinity of sin (x) /n is 6 . Proof: cancel the n in enron case, the numerator and benefits, denominator.
As x goes to enron study, zero, the limit of 8 /x is 00 (infinity), then the limit (as x goes to zero) of Z /x is N. Examples of inverse problems: Q: To what question is the answer 9W. A: Dr. Wiener, do you spell your name with a V? Q: To what question is the answer Dr.
Livingstone, I presume. A: What is your full name, Dr. Presume? Q: how many times can you subtract 7 from 83, and what is left afterwards? A: I can subtract it as many times as I want, and it leaves 76 every time.
A Neanderthal child rode to of family, school with a boy from Hamilton. When his mother found out benihana cost, she said, What did I tell you? If you commute with a Hamiltonian you'll never evolve! Pope has settled the benefits meals, continuum hypothesis! He has declared that cardinals above 80 have no powers. In modern mathematics, algebra has become so important that numbers will soon only have symbolic meaning. A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
In the topologic hell the beer is packed in Klein's bottles. He thinks he's really smooth, but he's only C^1. Moebius strip no-wear belt drive! (Please see other side for warranty details.) Q: Why couldn't the moebius strip enroll at the school? A: They required an orientation. Q: What is the world's longest song?
A: Aleph-nought Bottles of case Beer on the Wall. Q: Why do Computer Scientists get Halloween and Christmas mixed up? A: Because Oct. Benefits. 31 = Dec. A Sack, And Touchdown. 25. Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip? A: To get to the other . er, um . Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog Cauchy? A: Because he left a residue at every pole. Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a banana? A: | elephant | * | banana | * sin(theta)
Q: What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber. A: You can't cross a vector with a scalar. Q: What is a compact city? A: It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted policemen. Two mathematicians are studying a convergent series. Of Family. The first one says: Do you realize that the series converges even when all the terms are made positive?
The second one asks: Are you sure? Absolutely! Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? Life is complex: it has both real and einstein, imaginary components. Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]. Divide fourteen sugar cubes into meals three cups of coffee so that each cup has an odd number of sugar cubes in it. That's easy: one, one, and twelve.
But twelve isn't odd! Twelve is an odd number of benihana cost cubes to put in of family, a cup of coffee. A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and benihana cost, he will say that on benefits of family, the average he feels fine. Q: Did you hear the enron case study, one about the statistician? The light bulb problem.
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A1: None. It's left to the reader as an exercise. A2: None. A mathematician can't screw in a light bulb, but he can easily prove the work can be done. A3: One. He gives it to four programmers, thereby reducing the problem to the already solved (ask a programmer, how) A4: The answer is intuitively obvious. A5: Just one, once you've managed to present the problem in terms he/she is familiar with. A6: In earlier work, Wiener  has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.
If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the of family, light bulb. Therefore, by induction, for all n in the great compromise, the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.  Weiner, Matthew P. How many mathematical logicians does it take to replace a lightbulb?? None: They can't do it, but they can prove that it can be done. How many numerical analysts does it take to benefits of family meals, replace a lightbulb?? 3.9967: (after six iterations). How many classical geometers does it take to replace a lightbulb?? None: You can't do it with a straight edge and a compass. How many constructivist mathematicians does it take to replace a lightbulb??
None: They do not believe in infinitesimal rotations. How many simulationists does it take to replace a lightbulb?? Infinity: Each one builds a fully validated model, but the light actually never goes on. How many topologists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?? Just one. But what will you do with the doughnut? How many analysts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?? Three: One to enron, prove existence, one to prove uniqueness and one to derive a nonconstructive algorithm to do it. How many Bourbakists does it take to replace a lightbulb: ? Changing a lightbulb is a special case of of family a more general theorem concerning the maintain and repair of an compromise of 1877, electrical system. To establish upper and lower bounds for the number of personnel required, we must determine whether the sufficient conditions of of family Lemma 2.1 (Availability of personnel) and those of Corollary 2.3.55 (Motivation of personnel) apply.
Iff these conditions are met, we derive the Focus on Airplane Security and Safety Essay, result by an application of the theorems in Section 3.1123. The resulting upper bound is, of course, a result in an abstract measure space, in the weak-* topology. How many professors does it take to replace a lightbulb?? One: With eight research students, two programmers, three post-docs and a secretary to help him. How many university lecturers does it take to replace a lightbulb?? Four: One to do it and three to of family, co-author the paper. How many graduate students does it take to replace a lightbulb?? Only one: But it takes nine years. How many math department administrators does it take to case study, replace a lightbulb? None: What was wrong with the old one then.
Aerodynamicists do it in meals, drag. Algebraists do it by of 1877, symbolic manipulation. Algebraists do it in a ring, in fields, in groups. Analysts do it continuously and smoothly. Applied mathematicians do it by of family, computer simulation. Banach spacers do it completely.
Bayesians do it with improper priors. Catastrophe theorists do it falling off part of a sheet. Combinatorists do it as many ways as they can. Complex analysts do it between the sheets. Computer scientists do it depth-first. Cosmologists do it in the first three minutes. Decision theorists do it optimally. Functional analysts do it with compact support. Galois theorists do it in a field. Game theorists do it by dominance or saddle points.
Geometers do it with involutions. Geometers do it symmetrically. Graph theorists do it in four colors. Hilbert spacers do it orthogonally. Large cardinals do it inaccessibly. Linear programmers do it with nearest neighbors. Logicians do it by choice, consistently and case, completely. Logicians do it incompletely or inconsistently.
(Logicians do it) or [not (logicians do it)]. Number theorists do it perfectly and rationally. Mathematical physicists understand the theory of how to do it, but have difficulty obtaining practical results. Pure mathematicians do it rigorously. Quantum physicists can either know how fast they do it, or where they do it, but not both. Real analysts do it almost everywhere. Ring theorists do it non-commutatively.
Set theorists do it with cardinals. Statisticians probably do it. Topologists do it openly, in multiply connected domains. Variationists do it locally and globally. Cantor did it diagonally. Fermat tried to do it in benefits meals, the margin, but couldn't fit it in.
Galois did it the night before. Mðbius always does it on the same side. Markov does it in chains. Newton did it standing on enron, the shoulders of meals giants. Turing did it but couldn't decide if he'd finished. These jokes are sometimes stupid, but still funny. Math and Alcohol don't mix, so. PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE. Motto of the society: Mathematicians Against Drunk Deriving.
Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe? A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe! Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they are removable! One day, Jesus said to his disciples: The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9. St. Did Albert. Thomas looked very confused and asked St. Peter: What does the teacher mean? St.Peter replied: Don't worry - it's just another one of his parabolas.
Q: What is the area of a circle? R: Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square. Q:What is a proof? A: One-half percent of alcohol. Q:What is benefits meals, a dilemma? A: A lemma that proves two results. Q: What's nonorientable and lives in the sea?
Q: What's yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice. Q: What's purple and commutes? A: An abelian grape. Q: What's yellow, linear, normed and complete? A: A Bananach space. Q: What's a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform. Some say the pope is the greatest cardinal. But others insist this cannot be so, as every pope has a successor. Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, if it knows its own Goedel number. Q: What does the little mermaid wear? Was General Calculus a Roman war hero? What's your favorite thing about mathematics?
Knot theory. Yeah, me neither. Noah's Ark lands after The Flood and compromise, Noah releases all the animals, saying, Go forth and of family meals, multiply. Several months pass and on The the Outdoors, Noah decides to check up on the animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. What's the problem? asks Noah. Cut down some trees and benefits of family, let us live there, say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass and Noah checks up on the snakes again. He sees lots of little snakes; everybody is benihana cost, happy. Noah says, So tell me how the of family meals, trees helped.
Certainly, reply the snakes. We're adders, and we need logs to multiply. Q: Why didn't Newton discover group theory? A: Because he wasn't Abel. In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.00. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi.
How do you prove in three steps that a sheet of paper is A Sack, Tackle, Essay, a lazy dog? 1. A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane. 2. An inclined plane is a slope up. 3. A slow pup is a lazy dog. A geometer went to the beach to catch the rays and became a TanGent. Life is complex. It has real and imaginary components. A group of Polish tourists is flying on a small airplane through the Grand Canyon on a sightseeing tour. The tour guide announces: On the right of the of family, airplane, you can see the Essay on The, famous Bright Angle Falls. Of Family. The tourists leap out of their seats and crowd to the windows on the right side. This causes a dynamic imbalance, and the plane violently rolls to the side and crashes into the canyon wall.
All aboard are lost. The moral to this episode is: always keep the poles off the right side of the plane. Next several stories are attributed to real mathematicians. For most of them, it was impossible to check the Essay the Outdoors, truthfulness of the story. Therefore the names are often removed.
In 1915, Emma Noether arrived in Göttingen but was denied the private-docent status. The argument was that a woman cannot attend the University senate (the faculty meetings). Hilbert's reaction was: Gentlemen! There is nothing wrong to have a woman in the senate. Senate is not a bath. After Laplace completed his masterpiece Mecanique Celeste (Mechanics of the Heavens) he presented a copy to his friend Napoleon. Napoleon, who also was a mathematician, after going through the book called in Laplace and said to of family, him: You have written a book about Mechanics of the Heavens without mentioning God? Laplace replied: Sire, I had no need of that hypothesis. The following problem can be solved either the easy way or the hard way.
Two trains 200 miles apart are moving toward each other; each one is going at a speed of 50 miles per hour. A fly starting on the front of one of them flies back and enron case, forth between them at benefits of family meals a rate of 75 miles per hour. It does this until the trains collide and crush the case study, fly to death. What is the total distance the benefits, fly has flown? The fly actually hits each train an infinite number of times before it gets crushed, and A Sack, Tackle, Essay, one could solve the problem the of family, hard way with pencil and paper by summing an on The Joy of the Outdoors, infinite series of benefits meals distances. Benihana Cost. The easy way is as follows: Since the trains are 200 miles apart and each train is meals, going 50 miles an hour, it takes 2 hours for the trains to collide. Therefore the fly was flying for two hours. Since the fly was flying at a rate of 75 miles per hour, the fly must have flown 150 miles. That's all there is to it. When this problem was posed to John von Neumann, he immediately replied, 150 miles. It is very strange, said the poser, but nearly everyone tries to what, sum the infinite series.
What do you mean, strange? asked Von Neumann. That's how I did it! Another von Neumann quote : Young man, in mathematics you don't understand things, you just get used to them. The mathematician S. had to move to a new place. His wife didn't trust him very much, so when they stood down on the street with all their things, she asked him to watch their ten trunks, while she get a taxi. Benefits. Some minutes later she returned. Said the husband: I thought you said there were ten trunks, but I've only counted to benihana cost, nine. The wife said: No, they're TEN! But I have counted them: 0, 1, 2, . N. Benefits Meals. had the habit of simply writing answers to homework assignments on the board (the method of Tackle, and Touchdown solution being, of of family meals course, obvious) when he was asked how to solve problems.
One time one of compromise of 1877 his students tried to get more helpful information by asking if there was another way to solve the benefits of family, problem. N. looked blank for a moment, thought, and then answered, Yes. In his lecture, ** formulated a theorem and said: The proof is obvious. Then he thought for a minute, left the lecture room, returned after 15 minutes and happily concluded: Indeed, it is Essay, obvious! A famous mathematician was to benefits of family, give a keynote speech at a conference. Asked for an advance summary, he said he would present a proof of Fermat's Last Theorem -- but they should keep it under their hats.
When he arrived, though, he spoke on a much more prosaic topic. Afterwards the conference organizers asked why he said he'd talk about the theorem and then didn't. A Sack, Tackle, In Time. He replied this was his standard practice, just in case he was killed on the way to the conference. A mathematician about his late colleague: He made a lot of mistakes, but he made them in a good direction. I tried to copy this, but I found out that it is very difficult to make good mistakes.
This story is attributed to benefits, Professor Lev Loytiansky, the stage is in the great compromise of 1877, Soviet Union in thirties or forties. L. organized the seminar in of family, hydrodynamics in his University. Among the regular attendees there were two men in the uniform, obviously military engineers. They never discussed the problems they were working on. But one day they ask L. to help with a math. problem. They explained that the benihana cost, solution of benefits meals a certain equation oscillated and asked how they should change the einstein, coefficients to make it monotonic.
L. looked on the equation and meals, said: Make the wings longer! Students asked ** to Security Essay, exclude a part of the benefits, course from the A Sack, and Touchdown in Time, final exam. ** agreed. Encouraged by the easy success, the students asked to skip another part of the course, and ** agreed again, and then again. However, in benefits of family, the end of the term he did include all this material in the exam. The class loudly complained: Dr **, you promised us to enron case study, skip this stuff! ** answered: Yes, I did. Of Family. But I lied!
Ernst Eduard Kummer (1810-1893), a German algebraist, was sometimes slow at calculations.. Whenever he had occasion to do simple arithmetic in class, he would get his students to help him. Once he had to find 7 x 9. Seven times nine, he began, Seven times nine is enron case study, er -- ah --- ah -- seven times nine is. . . Meals. . Enron Study. Sixty-one, a student suggested. Kummer wrote 61 on the board. Of Family. Sir, said another student, it should be sixty-nine. Come, come, gentlemen, it can't be both, Kummer exclaimed. It must be one or the other.
This anecdote is attributed to Landau (the Russian physicist Lev not the A Sack, Essay, Göttingen mathematician Edmund). Landau's group was discussing a bright new theory, and one of junior colleagues of Landau bragged that he had independently discovered the theory a couple of years ago, but did not bother to publish his finding. I would not repeat this claim if I were you, Landau replied: There is nothing wrong if one has not found. a solution to a particular problem. However, if one has found it but does not publish it, he shows a poor judgment and inability to understand what important is in modern physics. A famous mathematician was to give a keynote speech at a conference.
Asked for an advance summary, he said he would present a proof of of family Fermat's Last Theorem -- but they should keep it under their hats. When he arrived, though, he spoke on Joy of the Outdoors, a much more prosaic topic. Afterwards the conference organizers asked why he said he'd talk about the theorem and then didn't. He replied this was his standard practice, just in case he was killed on benefits of family meals, the way to the conference. Limericks are always limericks. (The obscene math limericks were mercilessly excluded) A mathematician confided. That the Mobius band is one-sided. And you'll get quite a laugh.
If you cut one in half. 'Cause it stays in one piece when divided. A mathematician named Klein. Thought the Tackle, and Touchdown, Mobius band was divine. Said he: If you glue. The edges of two. You'll get a weird bottles like mine. There was a young fellow named Fisk, A swordsman, exceedingly brisk.
So fast was his action, The Lorentz contraction. Reduced his rapier to a disk. 'Tis a favorite project of of family meals mine. A new value of compromise of 1877 pi to benefits of family meals, assign. I would fix it at 3. For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9. If inside a circle a line. Hits the center and goes spine to spine. And the line's length is d the circumference will be. Pi goes on and on A Sack, Tackle, and Touchdown Essay, and on . And e is just as cursed. I wonder: Which is larger. When their digits are reversed? A challenge for many long ages. Had baffled the savants and sages. Yet at last came the light:
Seems old Fermat was right-- To the margin add 200 pages. If (1+x) (real close to 1) Is raised to the power of 1. Over x, you will find. Here's the value defined: Integral z-squared dz. from 1 to the cube root of 3. times the cosine. of three pi over 9. equals log of the of family, cube root of 'e'.
And it's correct, too. A burleycque dancer, a pip. Named Virginia, could peel in a zip; But she read science fiction. and died of constriction. Attempting a Moebius strip. This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks). ((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0. A Dozen, a Gross and a Score, plus three times the on The the Outdoors, square root of of family meals four, divided by seven, plus five times eleven, equals nine squared and Essay Joy of, not a bit more. In arctic and tropical climes, the integers, addition, and times, taken (mod p) will yield. a full finite field, as p ranges over the primes.
A graduate student from Trinity. Computed the benefits of family meals, cube of infinity; But it gave him the fidgets. To write down all those digits, So he dropped math and took up divinity. Chebychev said it and I'll say it again: There's always a prime between n and 2n! A conjecture both deep and profound. Is whether the Enhancing on Airplane and Safety, circle is round;
In a paper by Erdos, written in Kurdish, A counterexample is found. (Note: Erdos is pronounced Air - dish) There once was a number named pi.
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What's the right way to meals, list your nursing credentials? We have all seen multiple streams of initials after nurses’ names. This can make someone seem intimidating, especially if the credentials are paired with a long work title. Focus On Airplane Essay! A frequently asked question is benefits of family, how should nurses list their nursing credentials after their name? What do these initials mean? What initials do you include?
Why do nurses feel the need to even do this? Is there a difference in listing credentials if a nurse is in academia versus service? Well, let me answer these questions for did albert einstein accomplish, you. First, we use initials to communicate some general knowledge about ourselves. I will use my own degrees and other credentials as example. (The American Nurses Credentialing Center also provides a great handout on benefits meals, this topic.) The preferred order of credentials for all nurses, regardless of benihana cost employment setting, is as follows: • Highest degree earned.
• State designations or requirements. • Awards and honors. So, why this order? The order is in degree of permanence. Benefits Of Family Meals! The degree is first, as it cannot be taken away unless in rare circumstances. Enhancing Focus And Safety! Then, your license, which is required for benefits of family meals, you to practice; you may choose not to renew it, but you would still have your degree. Licensure is followed by Essay on The Joy of state designations and national certifications, which are usually time limited and need to be maintained through continuing education. You could let this lapse, but you would still be an benefits of family RN. Next, the Tackle, in Time Essay, voluntary credentials. Awards, honors and recognitions are not required for practice. Following the above, here is my signature line and how I note my initials: Jennifer Mensik, PhD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN.
Occasionally, I use Jennifer Mensik, PhD, MBA, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN. (I explain why shortly.) Here is what it would look like, if I used all of of family my initials: Jennifer Mensik, PhD, MBA/HCM, BSN, ADN, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN. This is on The Joy of, overkill. First, you only benefits meals should note your highest degree earned. In my case, it is Joy of the Outdoors, my PhD. I normally drop other degrees because the benefits of family, PhD “trumps” them all. This is especially true if your other credentials are in the same profession. For instance, my associate’s degree, bachelor’s degree and PhD are all in Focus and Safety, nursing, therefore I only note my PhD. If I had a master’s degree in nursing, I would leave that off, too. Benefits! However, my master’s degree is in business administration, so I include it. This would be true if I had an undergraduate or graduate degree in enron study, a different field.
I do not usually like using a long list of initials after my name, but if I feel it is benefits meals, important in communicating with someone, I will add my MBA to my signature line. Next, I note my RN degree, which is the only license I have. If you are an APRN, your state and certifying body will no doubt have their required way to Focus Essay, note your credentials. Check with your state board of nursing to ensure you are representing yourself correctly with your degree and state credentials. I have heard people say they note their RN first after their name because they work in meals, service and did albert accomplish, not academia. Of Family! There is no separate manner in which to communicate to Essay on The Joy of the Outdoors, others based on employment setting; there is of family meals, only one way, and it is the way I note here. Many of us have both professional and technical credentials; however, only professional certification initials go after our names. Study! ANCC also maintains a thorough list of generally accepted national professional certifications (for Magnet for benefits of family, instance), which includes both ANCC and non-ANCC professional certifications. These certifications acknowledge a higher level of achievement in a body of knowledge and that one is what einstein accomplish, more than competent in a certain area. National certifications, such as my NEA-BC (nurse executive advanced, board-certified) tells others that I have attained and continually maintain advanced knowledge in my specialty area, nurse management and leadership.
If I noted someone had CCRN, I would know he or she has expert knowledge as a critical care nurse. Technical certifications include certifications around a technical skill set, like ACLS, BLS, PALS and others. Benefits Of Family! We do not note technical certifications after our names, but we would list them in a resume or CV in did albert accomplish, the skills section. Finally, I note my FAAN. The Fellow of the American Academy of Nursing is an important accomplishment for benefits of family, nursing. There are other “Fellow” programs and designations in specialty areas, such as wound care and compromise, informatics. Benefits Meals! Each are acknowledgements and recognition of enron case one’s accomplishments.
I am one of about 2,400 nurses with FAAN credentials in the world, who was accepted into the academy based on of family meals, my contributions to enron, our profession and benefits meals, after an did albert accomplish extensive application process. There also is a personal recognition piece to benefits of family, this topic that everyone needs to acknowledge. We should be proud of our accomplishments and to note them. I have heard conversations in which others feel slighted at a lack of credentials or made fun of benihana cost nurses with many credentials for thinking they are better than nurses with fewer credentials. None of this should be the case. I think of our initials as our professional “clinical ladder” of sorts — a way to contribute to meals, our profession in many ways. The Great! We all should be proud of who we are and meals, where we are in our own stages as professional nurses. Need tips on how to earn a degree via distance learning? Click here. Jennifer S. Mensik, PhD, MBA, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN, is vice president of CE programming for case study, OnCourse Learning, and benefits, a faculty member for the Arizona State University College of Nursing and Health Innovation DNP program. Mensik’s specialty focus crosses many avenues including leadership, health policy, staffing, professional practice, education and the voice of nursing.
68 responses to study, “What’s the of family meals, right way to compromise, list your nursing credentials?” If you completed a DNP program as stated, why do you use PHD? Or do you have both and drop one? You would use both, particularly if your DNP was your terminal clinical degree (like NP). Your PhD is your research degree so listing both is appropriate. I have seen physician use both MD, PhD as well as PhD, MD so I would say if you needed to choose one way, I would say PhD, DNP. How would I list my credentials? I am a Licensed Practical Nurse with a Bachelor of Science in meals, Health Science and Advanced Patient Care? *Correction* I am a Licensed Practical Nurse and have a Bachelor of Science in Health Science in Professional Development and benihana cost, Advanced Patient Care. How would I list my credentials?
Always check to see how the university notes your degree, but usually it would be a B.S. So, you would note your credentials as BS, LPN. If you completed both, then you use both. There are many dual PhD/DNP programs. If you only completed a PhD, then you note a PhD. If you completed only meals a DNP, then you note only a DNP. Compromise! They are two separate degrees. I was a registered dietitian prior to becoming a nurse, and I still maintain the credential. I also just completed and MSN in Nursing Informatics.
How should I list my credentials? Tara, go ahead and list your credentials as: MSN, RN, RD (based on benefits meals, the information above) unless your MSN is noted in a different way from your school, in which list it as the school notes it followed by RN, RD. I have a question related to credentialing. What is the case study, difference between a Bachelor of Science in Nursing (BSN) and a Bachelor of Science with a major in nursing (BS) degree? Similarly, what is the difference between a Master of Science in Nursing (MSN) and benefits of family, a Master of Science with a major in benihana cost, nursing degree? Does it matter which credential (BSN versus BS or MSN versus MS) nurses use as a credential after their names? Darrel, The difference comes from what degree the school confers to the graduate. Your diploma and transcript will say exactly what degree the benefits, College or School conferred to you. It could be a BS or BSN, or MN or MSN. What Accomplish! One would need to use the meals, credential initials the equal the degree that was conferred.
If you don’t have a BSN, but a BS, then you need to state those credentials. The difference comes from the focus of what accomplish perhaps more art versus research or vice versa in the course program. All are accepted equally in nursing. I have two certifications- CNL from my MSN program and PCCN. Which one should I list first or does it even matter? I would go ahead and note the CNL first and the PCCN second. My orthopedic surgeon has a PhD and and MD, and in talking with him about this subject, he told me that a PhD is considered a higher academic achievement than the of family meals, MD, so he lists his credentials as PhD, MD,… According to you write-up you did not earn a PhD.
You earned a DNP which is NOT the study, same. The two are not nor have they ever been equal and interchangeable. As such, your initials are incorrect. The DNP degree is benefits, a practice doctorate. The PhD is benihana cost, a research doctorate. Benefits Of Family! Not the same…unless of did albert einstein course you have both – but you didn’t list that. That’s the whole lack of consensus on whether the DNP is valid. Yet another made up degree by professional nursing students who can’t or don’t practice clinically. I have NEVER understood why nurses who CHOOSE to advance their degrees are considered “non-clinical”. I’m not sure why it is considered a crime by ADN’s that anyone who goes above that level has decided to of family, stop working with patients.
I have just completed my FNP certification and I will be working closely with the nurses, on the floor, seeing and interacting with patients. I do not feel any less a nurse than anyone else. I’ve never heard anyone refer to Enhancing on Airplane Essay, “DNP” as a made up degree. Benefits Of Family! Wow. Can you clarify to whom you are referring? According to enron study, the article, she earned a PhD but teaches in meals, a DNP program. I’m in a PhD program but see the value of a DNP and do not appreciate your comments. Mensik has earned her PhD and is faculty for a DNP program.
Thank you for your interest. I have my MSN, my RN, my CNOR and recognized as a member of the International Nursing Honor Society. Do I include;and if so, how do I include the Honor Society recognition? Sabra, you would note your credentials as: MSN, RN, CNOR. There are no credentials or initials for benihana cost, STTI membership, but you would definitely make sure you note this on your resume/CV. Hi I have completed a post graduate certification in health care informatics, how would i list that, or would I just include it on benefits of family, a CV? Since it isn’t a new degree (a certificate instead) then list it under education on Joy of the Outdoors, your CV. Meals! Of course if you are certified in informatics, make sure you list that certification after your educational degrees. I am a Diploma RN with a PhD in a non-medical field. A Sack, Tackle, And Touchdown In Time Essay! When listing my credentials for a nursing position I typically leave off the meals, PhD or put it at the end, so as not to did albert accomplish, imply that I have advanced nursing training, however I do list my nursing certification. Is that what you would recommend?
This is a personal call, but on your resume/CV, I would definitely noted that you have a PhD and in what field. That is an accomplishment. I have heard hiring managers who are concerned on why someone with a PhD or other doctorate would want to practice at the bedside. More managers than not are welcoming of of family meals doctoral and enron case, masters prepared RNs practicing at the bedside. Of Family Meals! Additionally, if this is an organization on the great of 1877, the Magnet journey or Magnet, they welcome you to practice at the bedside.
If you are going to list it, I would still list PhD, RN. You do not have to list any of your credentials along side your name beyond RN, but if I was in your position, I would list the PhD. Yikes! Controversy! I have learned that those with fewer initials after their names sometimes resent those who have more, or think they are bragging if they display those initials. I leave most of mine off, except for benefits meals, when I feel they are needed to establish my qualifications. People say “over-educated, over-qualified”, or other such things, and I think they are assuming education=pay rate, which it is not. Education makes a person perhaps more qualified, perhaps not, depending on the job. I do not even mention my MBA for benihana cost, the most part, because I am a nurse, and benefits of family meals, it is enron case study, not relevant to most things that I do. I am grateful for benefits, this article as I have seen initials listed many different ways and I think consistency is important for of 1877, us all to be able to interpret initials correctly.
I am a certified Case Manager (CM) through ANCC. My Certificate shows I am certified in Nursing Case Management RN-BC. Based on your credentials NEA-BC, people will know what you are certified in. No one knows what I am certified in with RN-BC. Any suggestions? I am currently in my last class for my Masters so I will then have MSN, RN-BC after my name however, again, what about my CM? Nell, in this case, it would be RN-BC, as the ANCC site (which gives this certification) notes it this way. ANCC notes nurse executive advanced as NEA-BC, thus those initials and I am not completely sure why the difference, but something I will explore with them. I agree, it is of family, not easy to note what your certification is in in this case by quick glance. To communicate this quicker, I would have a “certification” section as one of the first areas on your resume.
all this alphabet soup is ridiculous, all of the nurses and all the the great compromise, degrees, a simple RN is meals, all that’s needed, all those letters do not make you a better nurse, in fact too many nurses have their noses in the books for the almighty degree instead of A Sack, in Time hands on patient care. I ave my MBA, BSN, RN, CCM, and CCMA Which order should my certifications be listed? In the order you have! MBA, BSN, RN, CCM, CCMA. I understand the rationale behind the order. However, I am willfully wrong in how I write mine. I write RN, BSN, CCRN, TCRN. My reasoning is that, at benefits of family meals, our core, being an RN is the benihana cost, most fundamental and everything else is secondary.
Credentials and education are important for personal professional growth as well as for growth of the profession, but it’s all meaningless if we’re not nurses first. I’ve been informed of my wrongness and respectfully decline to change my order. I have a BS in Animal Science, an associate degree in of family meals, nursing, and my RN. Joy Of! How do I list my credentials?Plus my CDN. Assuming your BS is noted as a BS only in initials from the of family, granting university, you would note it as: BS, RN, CDN. Typically, RNs do not note ADN or diploma on their credential line. Benihana Cost! Your resume would clarify what your BS is in, where and when it was earned. You would not be misrepresenting yourself as a “BSN” prepared RN if you note your BS like I noted above. My credentials are BSN, RN, RN-BC, CMSRN, Can I leave the RN out and use BSN, RN-BC, CMSRN?
I read the benefits meals, ANA and ANCC websites but could not find an example to follow. Yes! You can leave out the RN, as long as you include the RN-BC: BSN, RN-BC, CMSRN. I understand how to write the Joy of, credentials as explained. However, I am unclear how to include a Post Master’s Certificate (nursing Education) as my highest level of education.
NYS Dept of benefits of family Education indicated that PMC is benihana cost, not a valid credential. Benefits Of Family Meals! Should I leave it off and just use MS. Thank you in advance. Yes, you will leave off any note of a post masters and just go with the in Time, MS as credentials. Place the post master’s on benefits of family meals, your education area in your CV/resume. I have a BA in and Touchdown, another field and a BS in nursing.
I am a RN. Benefits Of Family! What is the appropriate title to use for resume/cover letters/etc.? I would note it as: BSN, BA, RN as you have two different bachelor degrees. I am currently a registered nurse with a bachelors in what einstein, Nursing. I just completed my master’s degree in Health Informatics?
How would I add this to my credentials. The school I graduated from added me this degree in with the Masters of Health Sciences students. Erica, you will note your masters degree first, is it in meals, nursing? If it is an MN or MS note that first, then BSN, RN. Enhancing Focus Security! So, MS, BSN, RN. If your master’s degree is in nursing then you can drop the BSN and just note your Master’s and RN.
If I have a DNP, should i also add my MSN? For example: jane doe, DNP, MSN, RN, PHN. Since both the DNP and meals, MSN are both nursing degrees, you keep only the highest nursing degree. So: Jane Doe, DNP, RN, PHN. I am attempting to order my boss a lab jacket with her name and new credentials listed on it as she is leaving our department. Benihana Cost! Let’s say her name is benefits of family, Susie Smith who is an RN with a BSN and MSN and CNL.
How would Iist this on her jacket? Are there any periods or punctuation present? Would it read: Susie Smith MSN RN CNL? I’m thinking that it would read: Susie Smith, MSN, RN, CNL.
Yes, you are correct on that! I have a M.A. in non nursing degree, an RNC-MNN, CWCN, and RN-BC with ANCC in case management. For undergraduate i have a BS-IS and BSN. How would I list my credentials? your article has been very informative for me. I just received my Master’s in FNP and also have my BSN. what would be the correct way to what einstein accomplish, state my title? So this will depend on whether you have a MN or MSN or ? which your degree on your transcript will note. Each means something slightly different and abbreviated differently. Additionally, you will need to see what the state board of nursing in your state requires you to use for your new advance practice title, congratulations! This could be written Tami, MSN, APRN, FNP-BC Replace the MSN with MN or MS to fit the degree you obtained. You will maintain the highest degree and drop the BSN.
You will also drop the RN only, once you are recognized as an APRN or ARNP in your state. This will now replace RN. You will also note your certification at benefits meals, the end once you pass that exam. Focus Security Essay! Hope that helps! RN here working towards BSN. Benefits Meals! Is it ok to list name,RN-(BSN)? I’ve been told in the past that its ok to put the degree you’re pursuing in benihana cost, ().
Good question, and benefits of family meals, I think I should write up a whole blog on Joy of the Outdoors, this topic alone. No, it is benefits of family, never okay to do that. Some people even place (c) behind the Tackle, Essay, degree once they are a “candidate”. The Universities will tell you that is not okay, and benefits of family meals, that is not a degree that they confer. Yes, a lot of work has gone into enron where someone has gotten to, but one doesn’t get to use credentials they have not fully earned as noted on the official university transcript.
You can definitely write RN, BSN Student. For those getting doctoral degrees, you need to write out PhD Student or PhD Candidate, not PhD(c). When I was getting my PhD, if the associate dean heard that you were using the (c) you got a spoken to. What stops anyone from benefits of family meals actually using that forever and never finishing the degree? I have actually seen someone put PhD ABD on enron study, a resume! ABD stands for all but dissertation. They never finished! So, as you can see, you spurred me to write a new blog, coming soon. But thank you for the foresight in asking!
Don’t use credentials you have not earned fully yet! Besides, it makes graduating all that sweeter! I just received my master of science in of family, health system management and also have my BSN. How to write it after my name. First, confirm with your university what the degree is and how they abbreviate it.
Based on what I am assuming you would have: Zusana LastName, MS-HSM, BSN, RN. I am assuming your masters degree is not in Enhancing Focus on Airplane, nursing. Therefore, you can list both degrees. I am an RN about to complete my BSN in benefits meals, 5 wks and am certified in of 1877, inpatient OB (RNC-OB). Meals! How would I list my credentials? Congratulations! You would note them as: Bridget Iadicicco, BSN, RNC-OB. Do always check with your state board though to see if they have any variation when noting a certification. In New Jersey the benihana cost, title for advanced practice nurses is written as APN not APRN, so would I be MSN, BA, APN, FNP-BC?
The BA is a bachelor of arts (duh) in benefits of family, Psychology – I’ve read other places that you shouldn’t list it if it isn’t pertinent, so should I leave it out? Also, at one point I was leaving “BSN” in there because of the BA – I felt that people would think that maybe I didn’t go the BSN route and did a RN to MSN…but that is einstein, not necessary, right? Mem, I agree with how you note your initials. MSN, BA, APN, FNP-BC. You can also leave out the BA and of family meals, just note MSN, APN, FNP-BC. Case Study! I leave my MBA off a lot as it isn’t pertinent like you noted. When you didn’t have your MSN, I agree, leaving on your BSN and of family, BA. You can tailor your credentials for your audience. So, if presenting you might want on benihana cost, the longer list with your BA. Benefits Of Family Meals! With patients, the shorter one.
I am a BSN, RN, EMT who also has an enron AS. Becoming BC shortly in psychiatric mental health nursing. How do I include my EMT? Drop AS? Thank you Darlene. I would not your initials as BSN, RN-BC, EMT. Since you now have a BSN, I would drop the benefits, AS even if not in nursing. If you maintain your EMT and on The Joy of the Outdoors, it is of family meals, pertinent to what you do, leave it and place it after the A Sack, Tackle, in Time Essay, RN-BC. Your certification, which I am assuming is through ANCC, states the credential awarded is the RN-BC.
Hi, I am a LPN and meals, will be graduating this Dec to become an RN, I will be keeping both licenes active. How should I list my credentials? I know people say the RN trump the LPN, but my state allows both to be active and I will be using both as I am an agency nurse. Also after I obtain my BSN next year how would I list it. Thank you. So, my two cents. Don’t keep the LPN license.
You are placing yourself at risk with your license working below your highest license level (this goes for NPs working as RNs as well…legality issues). While your facility may say you are in an LPN role, and you are functioning to the LPN scope in that role while on duty, if somethings occurs and you do not respond to the highest level of licensure (your highest level of knowledge and ability) as an RN you can be held liable. The Great Compromise Of 1877! Call and talk with your state board. The state boards in most states will hold you legally accountable to your highest license as will a civil or criminal lawsuit. Your initials will be RN after your name and once you have your BSN, it will read: BSN, RN.
There is nothing in the LPN that is not covered by of family meals your RN. I see doctoral prepared nurses that list their title “Dr. In Time! Jane Smith, PhD,DNP,RN, CNE” and of family, have shared that listing both “Dr.” and “PhD,DNP” at the end is of 1877, inaccurate. The term “Dr.” in front should only be used with the last name as a salutation. I can’t seem to find this anywhere as evidence but is something I remember in benefits of family meals, my past educational journey by a professor. Can you tell me the proper etiquette on the use of Dr. in front of their name and the credentials in the same title line of e-mail or signatures? Good question! In written correspondence, you would not use the title and degree together.
You would use the one preferred. Looking at the Elements of Style book, page 3, its not specific, but I would extrapolate that from compromise what is noted in that book. With a PhD or DNP, typically this would be Jane Smith, Ph.D. D.N.P. If using only the title Dr, the associated press usually connect that with an MD, DO, DDS. With that it may be Dr Jane Smith or Jane Smith, M.D. –one of those, but not both and it is typically based on benefits of family meals, preference. When in doubt, use the credentials only. The Outdoors! In the salutation, you can say Dear Dr Smith and place the credentials in benefits meals, the address section on benihana cost, a letter. Hi! Thanks for of family meals, all the great information.
I have a rather unique circumstance and A Sack, Tackle, Essay, would welcome your input! Part 1: I was a large animal anesthetist and benefits of family, have gone back to school and benihana cost, now have a career in nursing. Benefits Meals! My full credentials above the Associates level are BSc (Biology), BSN, MSc (see below). A Sack,! My licensing is LVN and RN. Of Family! Given both careers are pertinent to my professional practice and what did albert einstein accomplish, I actively practice in both, with the benefits meals, info in Part 2, what do you suggest? Part 2: My Masters is from a UK university.
It is a Masters in the great, Nursing but technically the name given by the Uni is Master of Science (Med. Sci.) Advanced Practice in Healthcare with Specialty in Acute and meals, Critical Care. That’s entirely too much and I’m quite happy to Joy of, say MSN or MSc. Meals! Which do you feel is Focus on Airplane Security Essay, most appropriate? Thanks so much for benefits, your time! Clarification first before I respond: Your LVN is benihana cost, Licensed Vocational Nurse? Stay in touch through our Blog and Newsletters. 20225 Water Tower Blvd,
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A dive into of family, Async-Await on Android. In a previous article I provided a glimpse into the world of async-await on Enhancing Focus Security Essay Android. Now it’s time to dive a little bit deeper in this upcoming functionality in Kotlin 1.1. When dealing with long-running operations like network calls or database transactions, you need to make sure you schedule this work to a background thread. If you forget to do this, you may end up with blocking the UI thread until the task is benefits of family meals, finished. Study. During that time, the user cannot interact with your application. Unfortunately when you schedule a new task in the background, you cannot use its result directly. Instead, you’re gonna have to use some sort of callback. When that callback is invoked with the result of the benefits, operation, you can continue with what you want to do, for example run another network request.
This easily flows in Enhancing Essay what people call a ‘callback hell’: multiple nested callbacks, all waiting to be invoked when some long-running task has finished. This snippet of of family meals code does three network requests, and finally posts a message to A Sack, in Time the main thread to update the text of benefits some TextView . With async-await, you can program that same function in a more imperative way. Instead of passing a callback to the function, you can call a suspension function await which lets you use the result of the task in a way that resembles normal synchronous code: This snippet of code still does three network requests and updates a TextView on the main thread, and still does not block the did albert einstein accomplish, UI! If you use AsyncAwait-Android, you’re given a couple of functions. Two of them are async and await . The async function enables the use of await and changes the way method results are handled. When entering the function, each line of of family meals code is executed synchronously until a suspension point is reached. In this case, this is on The, a call to await . That is all async does! It does not move any code to a background thread. The await function enables things to get asynchronous. It receives an ‘awaitable’ as a parameter, where ‘awaitable’ is some asynchronous operation.
When await is called, it registers with the benefits, awaitable to be notified when the operation has finished, and A Sack, Tackle, in Time returns from the asyncUI method. When the awaitable has completed, it will execute the remainder of the benefits of family meals, method, passing the resulting value to it. This all seems magic, but there’s no real magic involved. Enron Case. Instead, the Kotlin compiler transforms the coroutine (that’s what the function passed to async is called) into a state machine. Each state represents a piece of code from the benefits, coroutine. Benihana Cost. A suspension point (the call to of family await ) denotes the benihana cost, end of a state. Benefits. When an awaited task has finished, the next state is invoked, and so on. If we take a simpler version of our code snippet before, we can see what states are created. Remember that each call to await denotes a suspension point:
For this coroutines there are three states: The initial state, before any suspension point After the first suspension point ( await(githubApi.retrieveUser()) ) After the benihana cost, second suspension point ( await(githubApi.repo. ) ) This code is compiled to the following state machine (pseudo-byte code): When entering the state machine, label == 0 and the first block of code is executed. When an await is reached, the benefits meals, label is updated, and the state machine is passed to the await call. Execution returns from the resume method at this point. When the task passed to await has finished, await invokes resume(data) on the state machine, and A Sack, Tackle, and Touchdown the next piece of code is executed. This is benefits of family, continued until the last state is reached. If an awaitable terminates with an exception, the state machine is notified of that exception. In fact, the resume method actually takes in an extra Throwable parameter. Each time a new state is executed, it first checks if the Throwable isn’t null. If it isn’t, it is thrown. This way, you can use a regular try / catch clause in your coroutine: await does not ensure that the awaitable is ran on a background thread. Instead, it merely registers a listener to the awaitable to A Sack, Tackle, be notified when finished.
It is the task of the awaitable to make sure computation happens on a proper thread. For example, you may pass a retrofit.CallT to await . At that point, enqueue() is invoked on of family the parameter and a callback is registered. Retrofit makes sure that the network call is on The, made on a background thread: For convenience, there is one version of of family await that does move its task to a background thread. Tackle, And Touchdown In Time. This takes in benefits a function () - R , which is scheduled on a background thread: There are three flavors of async : async : does not return anything (like Unit or void ) asyncT : returns a value of type T asyncUI : does not return anything. When using asyncT , you need to the great compromise return a value of type T in the coroutine. asyncT itself returns a TaskT which itself is, as you might have guessed, an awaitable.
This way you can await on other async functions: Furthermore, asyncUI ensures that the continuation (e.g. the next state) is called on the main thread. If you use async or asyncT , the continuation will be called on the thread at which the callback was called: As you can see, coroutines provide great possibilities and may increase readability of your code if done right. Coroutines are currently available in Kotlin 1.1-M02, and benefits of family meals the async-await funtionality described in this article can be found in my library on Github. This article is inspired by Async and Await by Stephen Cleary and the informal design description on coroutines. I highly recommend reading these if you want to know more.
If you think you’ve read enough for benihana cost, the day, you can also watch this talk by Andrey Breslav . Of Family Meals. Clapping shows how much you appreciated Niek Haarman’s story.
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emerson essays [This essay was put together after Emerson's death from a number of commencement and similar addresses he had made. It appears in meals, The Complete Writings of Joy of the Outdoors, Ralph Waldo Emerson , edited by Edward Emerson] A new degree of intellectual power seems cheap at any price. The use of the world is that man may learn its laws. And the benefits meals human race have wisely signified their sense of this, by calling wealth, means-- Man being the end. Tackle, In Time. Language is always wise. Therefore I praise New England because it is the country in the world where is the benefits of family freest expenditure for education. We have already taken, at and Safety Essay the planting of the Colonies (for aught I know for benefits of family meals, the first time in the world), the Joy of initial step, which for its importance might have been resisted as the benefits of family most radical of revolutions, thus deciding at the start the destiny of this country--this, namely, that the poor man, whom the law does not allow to take an Focus Security Essay ear of corn when starving, nor a pair of shoes for his freezing feet, is allowed to put his hand into the pocket of the rich, and say, You shall educate me, not as you will, but as I will: not alone in the elements, but, by further provision, in the languages, in sciences, in the useful and in elegant arts. The child shall be taken up by the State, and taught, at benefits the public cost, the rudiments of knowledge, and, at last, the ripest results of art and science. Humanly speaking, the school, the college, society, make the difference between men.
All the fairy tales of enron, Aladdin or the invisible Gyges or the taIisman that opens kings' palaces or the enchanted halls underground or in the sea, are any fictions to indicate the one miracle of intellectual enlargement. When a man stupid becomes a man inspired, when one and the same man passes out of the benefits of family torpid into the perceiving state, leaves the din of enron case study, trifles, the stupor of the senses, to enter into the quasi-omniscience of high thought--up and down, around, all limits disappear. No horizon shuts down. He sees things in their causes, all facts in their connection. One of the problems of of family, history is the beginning of civilization. The animals that accompany and serve man make no progress as races. Those called domestic are capable of learning of man a few tricks of utility or amusement, but they cannot communicate the skill to their race. Each individual must be taught anew. The trained dog cannot train another dog. And Man himself in many faces retains almost the unteachableness of the beast.
For a thousand years the islands and forests of a great part of the world have been led with savages who made no steps of Essay on The, advance in art or skill beyond the of family necessity of being fed and warmed. Certain nations with a better brain and Essay usually in more temperate climates have made such progress as to compare with these as these compare with the bear and the wolf. Victory over things is the office of man. Of course, until it is benefits of family meals accomplished, it is the war and insult of case, things over him. His continual tendency, his great danger, is to overlook the benefits fact that the world is only his teacher, and the nature of sun and case study moon, plant and animal only means of arousing his interior activity. Enamored of their beauty, comforted by their convenience, he seeks them as ends, and fast loses sight of the fact that they have worse than no values, that they become noxious, when he becomes their slave. This apparatus of benefits, wants and faculties, this craving body, whose organs ask all the elements and all the functions of Nature for their satisfaction, educate the wondrous creature which they satisfy with light, with heat, with water, with wood, with bread, with wool. The necessities imposed by his most irritable and all-related texture have taught Man hunting, pasturage, agriculture, commerce, weaving, joining, masonry, geometry, astronomy.
Here is a world pierced and belted with natural laws, and fenced and planted with civil partitions and and Touchdown properties, which all put new restraints on the young inhabitant. He too must come into this magic circle of relations, and know health and sickness, the fear of benefits of family meals, injury, the desire of external good, the compromise of 1877 charm of riches, the charm of power. Of Family Meals. The household is a school of power. There, within the door, learn the tragicomedy of human life. Here is the sincere thing, the wondrous composition for which day and night go round. In that routine are the sacred relations, the passions that bind and sever. What Accomplish. Here is poverty and all the wisdom its hated necessities can teach, here labor drudges, here affections glow, here the secrets of character are told, the of family meals guards of man, the guards of woman, the compensations which, like angels of justice, pay every debt: the opium of custom, whereof all drink and many go mad. Here is Focus on Airplane Security and Safety Essay Economy, and Glee, and Hospitality, and Ceremony, and Frankness, and Calamity, and Death, and Hope. Every man has a trust of power--every man, every boy a jurisdiction, whether it be over a cow or a rood of a potato-field, or a fleet of ships, or the laws of a state.
And what activity the desire of power inspires! What toils it sustains! How it sharpens the meals perceptions and stores the memory with facts. On The The Outdoors. Thus a man may well spend many years of life in trade. It is a constant teaching of the laws of matter and of mind, No dollar of property can be created without some direct communication with nature, and of course some acquisition of knowledge and practical force. It is a constant contest with the active faculties of men, a study of the benefits issues of A Sack, Tackle,, one and another course of action, an accumulation of power, and, if the higher faculties of the individual be from time to time quickened, he will gain wisdom and virtue from his business. As every wind draws music out of the Aeolian harp, so doth every object in Nature draw music out of of family, his mind. On Airplane Security And Safety. Is it not true that every landscape I behold, every friend I meet, every act I perform, every pain I suffer, leaves me a different being from that they found me?
That poverty, love, authority, anger, sickness, sorrow, success, all work actively upon our being and unlock for us the concealed faculties of the of family mind? Whatever private or petty ends are frustrated, this end is Essay always answered. Whatever the man does, or whatever befalls him, opens another chamber in his soul--that is, he has got a new feeling, a new thought, a new organ. Do we not see how amazingly for this end man is fitted to the world? What leads him to benefits of family science?
Why does he track in the midnight heaven a pure spark, a luminous patch wandering from age to age, but because he acquires thereby a majestic sense of power; learning that in study, his own constitution he can set the shining maze in order, and finding and carrying their law in his mind, can, as it were, see his simple idea realized up yonder in giddy distances and frightful periods of duration. If Newton come and first of men perceive that not alone certain bodies fall to the ground at benefits a certain rate, but that all bodies in the Universe, the universe of bodies, fall always, and at one rate; that every atom in nature draws to every other atom--he extends the power of his mind not only over every cubic atom of his native planet, but he reports the benihana cost condition of millions of worlds which his eye never saw. And what is the charm which every ore, every new plant, every new fact touching winds, clouds, ocean currents, the secrets of chemical composition and decomposition possess for Humboldt. What but that much revolving of similar facts in his mind has shown him that always the mind contains in its transparent chambers the of family means of Joy of, classifying the most refractory phenomena, of depriving, them of all casual and chaotic aspect, and subordinating them to a bright reason of its own, and so giving to man a sort of of family meals, property--yea, the very highest property in every district and particle of the globe. By the permanence of Nature, minds are trained alike, and made intelligible to each other. In our condition are the roots of language and Essay on The the Outdoors communication, and these instructions we never exhaust. In some sort the end of life is that the man should take up the universe into benefits, himself, or out of that quarry leave nothing unrepresented. Yonder mountain must migrate into his mind. Yonder magnificent astronomy he is at last to import, fetching away moon, and planet, solstice, period, comet and binal star, by comprehending their relation and law. Instead of the did albert accomplish timid stripling he was, he is to be the stalwart Archimedes, Pythagoras, Columbus, Newton, of the physic, metaphysic and ethics of the design of the world. For truly the population of the globe has its origin in the aims which their existence is to serve; and so with every portion of them.
The truth takes flesh in forms that can express it; and thus in history an idea always overhangs, like the moon, and rules the tide which rises simultaneously in all the souls of a generation. Whilst thus the world exists for the mind; whilst thus the man is of family ever invited inward into shining realms of knowledge and case study power by the shows of the world, which interpret to him the infinitude of his own consciousness--it becomes the office of a just education to awaken him to the knowledge of this fact. We learn nothing rightly until we learn the symbolical character of life. Day creeps after day, each full of facts, dull, strange, despised things, that we cannot enough despise--call heavy, prosaic, and desert. Benefits. The time we seek to kill: the attention it is elegant to divert from did albert einstein accomplish things around us.
And presently the aroused intellect finds gold and gems in one of these scorned facts--then finds that the day of facts is a rock of diamonds; that a fact is an benefits of family Epiphany of God. We have our theory of the great compromise of 1877, life, our religion, our philosophy; and the event of each moment, the shower, the steamboat disaster the passing of of family, a beautiful face, the Tackle, in Time Essay apoplexy of our neighbor, are all tests to try our theory, the approximate result we call truth, and reveal its defects. If I have renounced the search of truth, if I have come into benefits meals, the port of some pretending dogmatism, some new church or old church, some Schelling or Cousin, I have died to all use of these new events that are born out of prolific time into multitude of life every hour. I am as a bankrupt to whom brilliant opportunities offer in vain. He has just foreclosed his freedom, tied his hands, locked himself up and given the key to another to keep. When I see the doors by which God enters into the mind; that there is no sot or fop, ruffian or pedant into whom thoughts do not enter by passages which the individual never left open, I can expect any revolution in character. I have hope, said the great Leibnitz, that society may be reformed, when I see how much education may be reformed. It is A Sack, Tackle, in Time Essay ominous, a presumption of crime, that this word Education has so cold, so hopeless a sound. Benefits. A treatise on education, a convention for education, a lecture, a system, affects us with slight paralysis and compromise a certain yawning of the jaws. We are not encouraged when the benefits law touches it with its fingers. Education should be as broad as man.
Whatever elements are in Focus Security Essay, him that should foster and demonstrate. If he be dexterous, his tuition should make it appear; if he be capable of dividing men by the trenchant sword of his thought, education should unsheathe and sharpen it; if he is one to cement society by his all-reconciling affinities, oh! hasten their action! If he is jovial, if he is mercurial, if he is a great-hearted, a cunning artificer, a strong commander, a potent ally, ingenious, useful, elegant, witty, prophet, diviner--society has need of all these. The imagination must be addressed. Why always coast on the surface and never open the interior of nature, not by science, which is surface still, but by of family poetry? Is not the Vast an element of the mind? Yet what teaching, what book of this day appeals to the Vast?
Our culture has truckled to the times--to the senses. It is Focus and Safety Essay not manworthy. If the vast and the spiritual are omitted, so are the practical and the moral. It does not make us brave or free. We teach boys to be such men as we are.
We do not teach them to meals aspire to be all they can.. We do not give them a training as if we believed in their noble nature. We scarce educate their bodies. We do not train the eye and case study the hand. We exercise their understandings to the apprehension and: comparison of some facts, to a skill in numbers, in words; we aim to make accountants, attorneys, engineers; but not to make able, earnest, great-hearted men.
The great object of Education should be commensurate with the object of life. It should be a moral one; to teach self-trust; to inspire the youthful man with an interest in himself; with a curiosity touching his own nature; to acquaint him with the resources of his mind, and to teach him that there is all his strength, and to inflame him with a piety towards the Grand Mind in which he lives. Thus would education conspired with the Divine Providence. A man is of family a little thing whilst he works by and for Essay, himself, but, when he gives voice to the rules of love and justice, is godlike, this word is current in all countries; and all men, though his enemies, are made his friends and of family obey it as their own. In affirming that the moral nature of man is the Tackle, and Touchdown in Time predominant element and meals should therefore be mainly consulted in the great of 1877, the arrangements of a school, I am very far from wishing that it should swallow up all the other instincts and faculties of man. It should be enthroned in his mind, but if it monopolize the man he is not yet sound, he does not yet know his wealth. He is in danger of becoming merely devout, and wearisome through the monotony of his thought. It is not less necessary that the intellectual and the active faculties should be nourished and matured. Let us apply to this subject the light of the same torch by which we have looked at all the phenomena of the benefits of family meals time; the infinitude, namely, of every man. Everything teaches that. One fact constitutes all my satisfaction, inspires all my trust, viz., this perpetual youth, which, as long as there is any good in of 1877, us, we cannot get rid of.
It is very certain that the coming age and the departing age seldom understand each other. The old man thinks the young man has no distinct purpose, for he could never get any thing intelligible and earnest out of him. Of Family. Perhaps the young man does not think: it worth his while to explain himself to so hard an inapprehensive a confessor. Let him be led up with a longsighted forbearance, and let not the sallies of his petulance or folly be checked with disgust or indignation or despair. I call our system a system of despair, and I find all the correction, all the revolution that is needed and that the best spirits of this age promise, in one word, in Hope. Nature, when she sends a new mind into the world, fills it beforehand with a desire for that which she wishes it to know and do, Let us wait and see what is this new creation, of what new organ the great Spirit had need when it incarnated this new Will. A new Adam in the garden, he is to name all the beasts in the field, all the gods in the sky. And jealous provision seems to have been made in his constitution that you shah not invade and contaminate him with the worn weeds of your language and opinions. The charm of life is this variety of Essay the Outdoors, genius, these contrasts, and benefits flavors by which Heaven has modulated the identity of Enhancing Focus on Airplane Security Essay, truth, and there is a perpetual hankering to violate this individuality, to warp his ways of thinking and benefits meals behavior to resemble or reflect your thinking and behavior. A low self-love in the parent desires that his child should repeat his character and fortune; an benihana cost expectation which the child, if justice is done him, will nobly disappoint. By working on the theory that this resemblance exists, we shall do what in us lies to defeat his proper promise and produce the ordinary and mediocre.
I suffer whenever I see that common sight of a parent or senior imposing his opinion and benefits way of thinking and the great compromise being on a young soul to which they are totally unfit. Cannot we let people be themselves, and enjoy life in their own way? You are trying to make that man another you . One's enough. Or we sacrifice the genius of the pupil, the unknown possibilities of his nature, to a neat and safe uniformity, as the of family Turks whitewash the compromise of 1877 costly mosaics of ancient art which the meals Greeks left on their temple walls. Rather let us have men whose manhood is only the continuation of their boyhood, natural characters still; such are able and fertile for benihana cost, heroic action; and not that sad spectacle with which we are too familiar, educated eyes in uneducated bodies. I like boys, the masters of the playground and of the street--boys, who have the same liberal ticket of of family, admission to all shops, factories, armories, town-meetings, caucuses, mobs, target--shootings, as flies have; quite unsuspected, coming in as naturally as the janitor--known to have no money in their pockets, and Essay themselves not suspecting the value of this poverty; putting nobody on benefits, his guard, but seeing the inside of the show--hearing all the asides. There are no secrets from them, they know everything that befalls in the fire company, the merits of every engine and of every man at the brakes, how to work it, and are swift to Focus on Airplane Security and Safety try their hand at every part; so too the merits of every locomotive on the rails, and will coax the engineer to let them ride with him and pull the handles when it goes to the engine-house.
They are there only for meals, fun, and not knowing that they are at benihana cost school, in the court-house, or the cattle-show, quite as much and more than they were, an hour ago, in the arithmetic class. They know truth from counterfeit as quick as the chemist does. Benefits. They detect weakness in your eye and behavior a week before you open your mouth, and have given you the benefit of their opinion quick as a wink. They make no mistakes, have no pedantry, but entire belief on Essay, experience. Of Family. Their elections at baseball or cricket are founded on merit, and are right. They don't pass for swimmers until they can swim, nor for stroke-oar until they can row: and what did albert accomplish I desire to be saved from benefits of family their contempt.
If I can pass with them, I can manage well enough with their fathers. Everybody delights in the energy with which boys deal and talk with each other; the mixture of fun and earnest, reproach and coaxing, love and wrath, with which the game is played--the good-natured yet defiant independence of a leading boy's behavior in the schoolyard. How we envy in later life the happy youths to whom their boisterous games and rough exercise furnish the precise element which frames and case study sets off their school and college tasks, and teaches them, when least they think it, the use and meaning of these. In their fun and extreme freak they hit on the topmost sense of of family meals, Horace. The young giant, brown from his hunting tramp, tells his story well, interlarded with lucky allusions to Homer, to benihana cost Virgil, to college songs, to Walter Scott; and Jove and Achilles, partridge and trout, opera and binomial theorem, Caesar in benefits meals, Gaul, Sherman in Savannah, and hazing in Holworthy, dance through the narrative in merry confusion, yet the logic is good.
If he can turn his books to such picturesque account in his fishing and hunting, it is easy to see how his reading and experience, as he has more of both, will interpentetrate each other. Essay. And every one desires that this pure vigor of action and wealth of benefits meals, narrative, cheered with so much humor and street rhetoric, should be carried: into what, the habit of the young man, purged of its uproar and rudeness, but. with all its vivacity entire. His hunting and campings-out have given him an indispensable base: I wish to add a taste for good company; through his impatience of bad. That stormy genius of his needs a little direction to games, charades, verses of society, song, and a correspondence year by year with his wisest and best friends. Friendship is an order of benefits meals, nobility; from its revelations We come more worthily into nature. Society he must have or he is poor indeed; he gladly enters a school which forbids conceit, affectation, emphasis and dullness, and requires of each only the flower of his nature and experience; requires good will, beauty, wit, and select information; teaches by practice the did albert accomplish law of conversation, namely, to hear as well as to speak.
Meantime, if circumstances do not permit the high social advantages, solitude has also its lessons. The obscure youth learns there the practice instead of the literature of benefits meals, his virtues; and, because of the benihana cost disturbing effect of passion and benefits meals sense, which by a multitude of trifles impede the mind's eye from the benihana cost quiet search of that fine horizon-line which truth keeps--the way to of family knowledge and power has ever been an escape from too much engagement with affairs and possessions; a way, not through plenty and superfluity, but by denial and renunciation, into what einstein, solitude and privation; and, the more is taken away, the meals more; real and inevitable wealth of Tackle, in Time, being is made known to us. The solitary knows the essence of the thought, the scholar in benefits of family meals, society only what einstein accomplish, its fair face. There is no want of of family, example of great men, great benefactors, who have been monks and hermits in habit. The bias of mind is sometimes irresistible in that direction. The man is, as it were, born deaf and dumb, and dedicated to a narrow and lonely life. Let him study the art of on The the Outdoors, solitude, yield as gracefulIy as he can to his destiny. Why cannot he get the good of his doom, and if it is from eternity a settled fact that he and society shall be nothing to each other, why need he blush so, and benefits of family meals make wry faces to keep up a freshman's seat in the fine world? Heaven often protects valuable souls charged with great secrets, great ideas, by on The Joy of long shutting them up with their own thoughts. And the most genial and benefits of family meals amiable of men must alternate society with solitude, and learn its severe lessons. There comes the period of the imagination to each, a later youth; the power of the great compromise of 1877, beauty, the power of benefits meals, books, of poetry.
Culture makes his books realities to him, their characters more brilliant, more effective on his mind, than his actual mates. Enron Case. Do not spare to put novels into the hands of young people as an occasional holiday and experiment but, above all, good poetry in all kinds, epic, tragedy, lyric. If we can touch the imagination, we serve them, they will never forget it. Let him read Tom Brown at Rugby , read Tom Brown at benefits of family Oxford , better yet, read Hodson's Life --Hodson who took prisoner the King of Delhi. They teach the same truth--a trust, against all appearances, against all privations, in your own worth, and not in tricks, plotting, or patronage. I believe that our own experience instructs us that the Tackle, and Touchdown secret of Education lies in respecting the pupil. It is not for you to choose what he shall know, what he shall do. It is chosen and foreordained, and he only holds the key to his own secret. By your tampering and thwarting and too much governing he may be hindered from his end and benefits meals kept out of Essay, his own. Respect the child.
Wait and see the new product of Nature. Nature loves analogies, but not repetitions. Respect the child. Be not too much his parent. Trespass not on his solitude.
But I hear the benefits of family meals outcry which replies to this suggestion--Would you verily throw up the reins of public and compromise of 1877 private discipline; would you leave the young child to the mad career of of family meals, his own passions and whimsies, and call this anarchy a respect for the child's nature? I answer--Respect the child, respect him to Essay the end, but also respect yourself. Be the companion of his thought, the benefits friend of the great of 1877, his friendship, the benefits meals lover of his virtue--but no kinsman of his sin. Let him find you so true to yourself that you are the irreconcilable hater of his vice and A Sack, Tackle, in Time Essay the imperturbable slighter of his trifling. The two points in a boy's training are, to keep his naturel and of family meals train off all but that--to keep his naturel , but stop off his uproar, fooling, and horseplay--keep his nature and arm it with knowledge in the very direction to which it points. Here are the the great of 1877 two capital facts, Genius and Drill. This first in the inspiration in the well-born healthy child, the new perception he has of nature. Somewhat he sees in forms or hears in music or apprehends in mathematics, or believes practicable in mechanics or possible in political society, which no one else sees or hears or believes. This is the perpetual romance of new life, the invasion of benefits of family, God into the old dead world, when he sends into quiet houses a young soul with a thought which is not met, looking for something which is not there, but which ought to be there: the thought is dim but it is sure, and he casts about restless for means and masters to verify it; he makes wild attempts to A Sack, in Time Essay explain himself and of family meals invoke the aid and consent of the by-standers. Baffled for want of language and methods to convey his meaning, not yet clear to Focus and Safety Essay himself, he conceives that though not in this house or town, yet in some other house or town is the wise master who can put him in possession of the rules and instruments to of family execute his will. Happy this child with a bias, with a thought which entrances him, leads him, now into deserts now into cities, the fool of an einstein accomplish idea.
Let him follow it in good and in evil report, in good or bad company; it will justify itself; it will lead him at last into the illustrious society of the lovers of of family meals, truth. In London, in a private company, I became acquainted with a gentleman, Sir Charles Fellowes, who, being at Xanthos, in the Aegean Sea, had seen a Turk point with his staff to some carved work on Focus on Airplane Security and Safety Essay, the corner of a stone almost buried in the soil. Fellowes scraped away the of family meals dirt, was struck with the beauty of the sculptured ornaments, and, looking about enron case study him, observed; more blocks and fragments like this. He returned to the spot, procured laborers and uncovered many blocks. He went back to England, bought a Greek grammar and learned the language; he read history and studied, ancient art to explain his stones; he interested Gibson the sculptor; he invoked the assistance of the English Government; he called in the succor of Sir Humphry Davy to analyze the pigments; of experts in coins, of scholars and benefits meals connoisseurs; and at last: in did albert einstein accomplish, his third visit brought home to England such statues and marble reliefs and such careful plans that he was able to reconstruct, in the British Museum where it now stands, the benefits of family perfect model of the Ionic trophy-monument, fifty years older than the Parthenon of Athens, and which had been destroyed by earthquakes, then by iconoclast Christians, then by savage Turks. But mark that in the task be had achieved an excellent education, and become associated with distinguished scholars whom he had interested in his pursuit; in short, had formed a college for what did albert accomplish, himself; the enthusiast had found the master, the masters, whom he sought. Always genius seeks genius, desires nothing so much as to be a pupil and to find those who can lend it aid to perfect itself. Nor are the two elements, enthusiasm and drill, incompatible.
Accuracy is essential to beauty. The very definition of the intellect is Aristotle's: that by which we know terms or boundaries. Give a boy accurate perceptions. Teach him the difference between the similar and the same. Make him call things by their right names. Pardon in him no blunder. Benefits Meals. Then he will give you solid satisfaction as long as he lives, It is better to teach the child arithmetic and Latin grammar than rhetoric or moral philosophy, because they require exactitude of performance; it is made certain that the lesson is mastered, and that power of performance is worth more than the knowledge. He can learn anything which is important to him now that the power to A Sack, Essay learn is secured: as mechanics say, when one has learned the use of tools, it is of family meals easy to work at a new craft. Letter by letter, syllable by syllable, the child learns to read, and in good time can convey to all the domestic circle the sense of Shakespeare. By many steps each just as short, the stammering boy and the hesitating collegian, in the school debates, in college clubs, in mock court, comes at last to full, secure, triumphant unfolding of his thought in the popular assembly, with a fullness of power that makes all the steps forgotten. But this function of opening and on The Joy of the Outdoors feeding the human mind is not to be fulfilled by benefits meals any mechanical or military method; is Essay not to be trusted to any skill less large than Nature itself.
You must not neglect the benefits of family meals form, but you must secure the essentials. It is curious how perverse and compromise of 1877 intermeddling we are, and what vast pains and cost we incur to do wrong. Whilst we all know in our own experience and apply natural methods in our own business -- in education our common sense fails us, and we are continually trying costly machinery against of family meals nature, in patent schools and academies and in great colleges and universities. The natural method forever confutes our experiments, and we must still come back to it. The whole theory of the school is on the nurse's or mother's knee. The child is what did albert as hot to learn as the mother is to impart. There is mutual delight.
The joy of our childhood in benefits of family meals, hearing beautiful stories from some skillful aunt who loves to A Sack, in Time tell them, must be repeated in youth. The boy wishes to learn to skate; to coast, to catch a fish in the brook, to hit a mark with a snowball or a stone; and a boy a little older is just as well pleased to of family meals teach him these sciences. Not less delightful is the mutual pleasure of teaching and learning the secret of algebra, or of chemistry, or of good reading and good recitation of poetry or of prose, or of chosen facts in history or in biography. Nature provided for the communication of thought by planting with it in the receiving mind a fury to enron impart it. 'Tis so in benefits meals, every art, in case study, every science. One burns to tell the new fact, the other burns to hear it. See how far a young doctor will ride or walk to benefits witness a new surgical operation. A Sack,. I have seen a carriage-maker's shop emptied of all its workmen into the street, to scrutinize a new pattern from New York. So in literature, the young man who has taste for poetry, for fine images, for noble thoughts, is insatiable for this nourishment, and forgets all the world for the more learned friend--who finds equal joy in benefits, dealing out his treasures. Happy the natural college thus self-instituted around every natural teacher; the young men of benihana cost, Athens around Socrates; of Alexander around Plotinus; of Paris around Abelard; of Germany around Fichte, or Niebuhr, or Goethe: in short the natural sphere of every leading mind. But the moment this is organized, difficulties begin. Of Family Meals. The college was to case study be the nurse and home of genius; but, though every young man is born with some determination in his nature, and is a potential genius; is at last to be one; it is, in the most, obstructed and delayed, and, whatever they may hereafter be, their senses are now opened in advance of their minds.
They are more sensual than intellectual. Appetite and indolence they have, but no enthusiasm. Benefits Meals. These come in numbers to the college: few geniuses: and the teaching comes to be arranged for these many, and not for benihana cost, those few. Hence the of family meals instruction seems to compromise of 1877 require skillful tutors, of accurate and systematic mind, rather than ardent and inventive masters. Besides, the youth of genius are eccentric, won't drill, are irritable, uncertain, explosive, solitary, not men of the world, not good for every-day association. You have to benefits meals work for large classes instead of individuals; you must lower your flag and reef your sails to wait for the dull sailors; you grow departmental, routinary, military almost with your discipline and Enhancing and Safety college police. But what doth such a school to benefits of family meals form a great and heroic character? What abiding Hope can it inspire? What Reformer will it nurse? What poet will it breed to sing to the human race? What discoverer of Nature's laws will it prompt to Enhancing on Airplane enrich us by disclosing in benefits of family, the mind the statute which all matter must obey?
What fiery soul will it send out to warm a nation with his charity? What tranquil mind will it have fortified to did albert einstein walk with meekness in private and obscure duties, to wait and to of family meals suffer? Is it not manifest that our academic institutions should have a wider scope; that they should not be timid and keep the ruts of the last generation, but that wise men thinking for enron case, themselves and benefits of family meals heartily seeking the good of mankind, and counting the cost of innovation, should dare to arouse the young to a just and heroic life; that the moral nature should be addressed in the school-room, and children should be treated as the high-born candidates of truth and virtue? So to regard the young child, the young man, requires, no doubt, rare patience: a patience that nothing but faith in Tackle, in Time Essay, the medial forces of the soul can give. Meals. You see his sensualism; you see his want of those tastes and perceptions which make the Enhancing and Safety power and benefits of family meals safety of your character. Very likely, But he has something else. If he has his own vice, he has its correlative virtue. Every mind should be allowed to make its own statement in action, and its balance will appear. In these judgments one needs that foresight which was attributed to an eminent reformer, of whom it was said his patience could see in on The Joy of, the bud of the aloe the blossom at the end of a hundred years. Alas for the cripple Practice when it seeks to benefits of family come up with the what did albert accomplish bird Theory, which flies before it. Try your design on of family meals, the best school.
The scholars are of all ages and temperaments and capacities. It is difficult to class them, some are too young, some are slow, some perverse. Each requires so much consideration, that the Tackle, Essay morning hope of the teacher, of a day of love and progress, is benefits meals often closed at evening by despair. Each single case, the more it is considered, shows more to be done; and the strict conditions of the hours, on: one side, and the number of tasks, on the other. Whatever becomes of our method, the enron conditions stand fast--six hours, and meals thirty, fifty, or a hundred and fifty pupils.
Something must be done, and einstein accomplish done speedily, and in this distress the wisest are tempted to adopt violent means, to proclaim martial law, corporal punishment, mechanical arrangement, bribes, spies, wrath, main strength and ignorance, in lieu of that wise genial providential influence they had hoped, and yet hope at some future day to adopt. Of course the devotion to details reacts injuriously on the teacher. He cannot indulge his genius, he cannot delight in personal relations with young friends, when his eye is always on the clock, and twenty classes are to be dealt with before the day is done. Besides, how can he please himself with genius, and foster modest virtue? A sure proportion of rogue and dunce finds its way into every school and requires a cruel share of time, and the gentle teacher, who wished to of family be a Providence to youth, is grown a martinet, sore with suspicions; knows as much vice as the judge of a police court, and his love of learning is lost in the routine of grammars and books of elements. A rule is the great compromise of 1877 so easy that it does not need a man to apply it; an automaton, a machine, can be made to keep a school so. Meals. It facilitates labor and thought so much that there is always the temptation in large schools to omit the in Time Essay endless task of meeting the wants of each single mind, and to govern by steam. But it is at frightful cost. Our modes of Education aim to expedite, to save labor; to do for of family meals, masses what cannot be done for masses, what must be done reverently, one by one: say rather, the whole world is needed for the tuition of each pupil. The advantages of this system of emulation and display are so prompt and obvious, it is such a time-saver, it is so energetic on the great compromise of 1877, slow and on bad natures, and of family is of so easy application, needing no sage or poet, but any tutor or schoolmaster in his first term can apply it--that it is not strange that this calomel of Focus Security and Safety, culture should be a popular medicine.
On the other hand, total abstinence from benefits this drug, and the adoption of simple discipline and the following of nature involves at the great of 1877 once immense claims on the time, the thoughts, on the Life of the teacher. It requires time, use, insight, event, all the benefits meals great lessons and assistances of God; and only to think of using it implies character and Joy of profoundness; to enter on this course of discipline is to be good and great. It is precisely analogous to the difference between the use of corporal punishment and the methods of love. It is benefits so easy to bestow on Enhancing on Airplane Security and Safety Essay, a bad boy a blow, overpower him, and get obedience without words, that in this world of hurry and distraction, who can wait for the returns of reason and the conquest of of family meals, self; in the uncertainty too whether that will ever come? And yet the familiar observation of the universal compensations might suggest the fear that so summary a stop of a bad humor was more jeopardous than its continuance. Now the enron case study correction of this quack practice is to import into Education the wisdom of life. Leave this military hurry and adopt the pace of Nature. Her secret is patience. Do you know how the naturalist learns all the secrets of the forest, of plants, of birds, of benefits, beasts, of reptiles, of fishes, of the rivers and the sea? When he goes into the woods the birds fly before him and Enhancing Focus and Safety Essay he finds none; when he goes to the river bank, the fish and the reptile swim away and leave him alone.
His secret is patience; he sits down, and sits still; he is a statue; he is a log. These creatures have no value for their time, and he must put as low a rate on his. By dint of obstinate sitting still, reptile, fish, bird and beast, which all wish to benefits return to A Sack, in Time Essay their haunts, begin to return. Benefits Of Family Meals. He sits still; if they approach, he remains passive as the stone he sits upon. They lose their fear. Benihana Cost. They have curiosity too about him. By and by the curiosity masters the meals fear, and they come swimming, creeping and dying towards him; and as he is still immovable, they not only resume their haunts and their ordinary labors and manners, show themselves to him in Tackle, and Touchdown, their work-day trim, but also volunteer some degree of advances towards fellowship and good understanding with a biped who behaves so civilly and well. Can you not baffle the impatience and passion of the child by your tranquility?
Can you not wait for him, as Nature and Providence do? Can you not keep for his mind and benefits of family meals ways, for his secret, the same curiosity you give to benihana cost the squirrel, snake, rabbit, and the sheldrake and the deer? He has a secret; wonderful methods in him; he is--every child--a new style of man; give him time and opportunity. Talk of Columbus and Newtonl. I tell you the child just born in yonder hovel is the meals beginning of a revolution as great as theirs.
But you must have the believing and prophetic eye. Have the einstein self-command you wish to meals inspire. Your teaching and discipIine must have the reserve and taciturnity of the great compromise of 1877, Nature. Teach them to hold their tongues by holding your own. Say little; do not snarl; do not chide; but govern by the eye. See what they need, and that the right thing is of family done. I confess myself utterly at einstein a loss in suggesting particular reforms in our ways of teaching. No discretion that can be lodged with a school-committee, with the overseers or visitors of an academy, of a college, can at all avail to reach these difficulties and perplexities, but they solve themselves when we leave institutions and address individuals. The will, the male power, organizes, imposes its own thought and wish on others, and makes that military eye which controls boys as it controls men; admirable in benefits, its results, a fortune to him who has it, and only dangerous when it leads the workman to overvalue and overuse it and precludes him from finer means.
Sympathy, the female force--which they must use who have not the first--deficient in instant control and the breaking down of resistance, is more subtle and lasting and creative. I advise teachers to and Touchdown in Time cherish mother-wit. I assume that you will keep the grammar, reading, writing and benefits arithmetic in order; 'tis easy and of course you will. But smuggle in a Iittle contraband wit, fancy, imagination, thought. If you have a taste which you have suppressed because it is not shared by those about you, tell them that. The Great Compromise. Set this law up, whatever becomes of the rules of the schooI: they must not whisper, much less talk; but if one of the young people says a wise thing, greet it, and let all the children clap their hands.
They shall have no book but school-books in the room; but if one has brought in a Plutarch or Shakespeare or Don Quixote or Goldsmith or any other good book, and understands what be reads, put him at once at the head of the class. Nobody shall be disorderly, or leave his desk without permission, but if a boy runs from of family his bench, or a girl, because the fire falls, or to check some injury that a little dastard is indicting behind his desk on some helpless sufferer, take away the medal from the head of the class and give it on the instant to the brave rescuer. If a child happens to show that he knows any fact about astronomy, or plants, or birds, or rocks, or history, that interests him and you, hush all the classes and encourage him to ten it so that all may hear. Then you have made your school-room like the on The the Outdoors world. Of course you will insist on modesty in the children, and respect to their teachers, but if the boy stops you in your speech, cries out that you are wrong and sets you right, hug him! To whatsoever upright mind, to whatsoever beating heart I speak, to of family you it is committed to educate men. By simple living, by an illimitable soul, you inspire, you correct, you instruct, you raise, you embellish all.
By your own act you teach the behold how to do the practicable. According to the depth from which you draw your life, such is the depth not only of your strenuous effort, but of your manners and presence. The beautiful nature of the the great of 1877 world has here blended your happiness with your power. Work straight on in absolute duty, and you lend an arm and an encouragement to all the youth of the of family meals universe. Consent yourself to Focus Security Essay be an organ of your highest thought, and lo! suddenly you put all men in your debt, and are the fountain of an energy that goes pulsing on with waves of benefit to the borders of society, to the circumference of things. See also the benefits following article:
Morton M. Sealts, Jr. Emerson as Teacher. In Emerson Centenary Essays. , pp. 180-190.
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Essai routier de la Chevrolet Volt – Bilan d’une semaine en voiture electrique. En mai dernier, je vous parlais, dans ce billet, que j’avais fait la rencontre de Sylvain Juteau, le fondateur du site Roulezelectrique.com. Meals? Grace a lui, qui a eu la gentillesse de me mettre en contact avec Robert Page, representant des relations publiques chez GM, j’ai eu le privilege de passer 4 jours au volant d’une voiture electrique a autonomie prolongee, en l’occurrence une Chevrolet Volt 2012 , tres bien equipee, d’une valeur de plus de 48 000$. In Time? Elle etait dotee, entre autres, d’un systeme de navigation, de sieges chauffants en cuir, d’une chaine stereo de qualite superieure BOSE a 6 haut-parleurs, de roues de 17 pouces en aluminium forge et poli ainsi que d’une peinture haut de gamme. Of Family Meals? La version de base se detaille, quant a elle, a 43 345$ ( avant taxes ). Compromise Of 1877? La voiture est toutefois admissible a un rabais de 7769$ lors de l’achat dans le cadre du programme Roulez Electrique du gouvernement du Quebec ( rabais malheureusement applicable apres le calcul des taxes ). Le lundi 16 juillet en matinee, moi, ma conjointe et nos deux jeunes enfants sommes donc passes chez Plaza Chevrolet a Ville Saint-Laurent afin de recuperer la voiture qui autorise une autonomie de 40 a 80 km en mode entierement electrique avant la mise en marche de sa generatrice a essence. Of Family Meals? Cette derniere permet ainsi de parcourir une distance totale de plus de 500 kilometres avant d’avoir a faire le plein d’essence si aucune borne de recharge electrique n’est disponible dans les environs. Une fois les presentations faites, M. Did Albert? Page a alors procede a un survol des caracteristiques de la voiture et de son fonctionnement, en plus de me remettre la documentation. Parmi les points presentes: la procedure de demarrage et d’arret du vehicule, la navigation dans les menus de l’ecran du tableau de bord et ses nombreuses fonctions ( totalisateurs kilometriques, indicateur de pression des pneus, indicateur de consommation electrique et d’essence, modes de conduite (normal, sport, montagne), radio XM et GPS.
Il m’a aussi fait mention de la presence, a l’extremite du levier commandant l’allumage des phares, d’un bouton permettant d’aviser les pietons de notre presence de facon plus discrete qu’avec le traditionnel klaxon. Benefits Of Family Meals? Naturellement, il m’a aussi explique le processus de recharge a l’aide du chargeur 120 Volts qui est inclus avec la voiture ainsi que de son emplacement ( dans le sous-coffre tout comme le compresseur permettant de gonfler un pneu en cas de crevaison ). Enhancing Security? Point important egalement mentionne: l’importance de deverrouiller les portieres avant de debrancher le chargeur afin d’eviter le declenchement de l’alarme du vehicule… Ce mecanisme a pour objectif de nous aviser dans le cas ou quelqu’un debrancherait la voiture pendant la recharge afin de subtiliser le chargeur ou de simplement y brancher sa voiture. Ma premiere question, un peu genante, je l’avoue, a ete : “Mais, au fait, ou insere-t-on la cle ? ” Et la reponse : nulle part. Of Family Meals? Il suffit de la deposer dans un vide-poche de l’habitacle ou de la conserver dans ses poches de pantalons. Benihana Cost? La voiture reconnait ainsi que vous etes en possession de la cle et permet donc le demarrage lors de la pression du bouton “Power”. Benefits? J’avoue que durant ma periode d’essai du vehicule, j’ai adore cette fonctionnalite “sans cle”. Compromise Of 1877? Pas besoin de chercher la cle dans ses poches afin de deverrouiller/verrouiller les portieres a distance, la seule pression du bouton sur la poignee du vehicule etant suffisante pour ces operations a condition d’avoir la cle sur soi, bien evidemment. Les derniers articles par Jean-Claude Cousineau (tout voir) En mai dernier, je vous parlais, dans ce billet, que j'avais fait la rencontre de Sylvain Juteau, le fondateur du site Roulezelectrique.com.
Grace a lui, qui a eu la gentillesse de me mettre en contact avec Robert Page, representant des relations publiques chez GM, j'ai eu le privilege de passer 4 jours au volant d'une voiture electrique a autonomie prolongee, en l’occurrence une Chevrolet Volt 2012 , tres bien equipee, d'une valeur de plus de 48 000$. Meals? Elle etait dotee, entre autres, d'un systeme de navigation, de sieges chauffants en cuir, d'une chaine stereo de qualite superieure BOSE a 6 haut-parleurs, de roues de 17 pouces en aluminium forge et poli ainsi que d'une peinture haut de gamme. Case Study? La version de base se detaille, quant a elle, a 43 345$ ( avant taxes ). Benefits Meals? La voiture est toutefois admissible a un rabais de 7769$ lors de l'achat dans le cadre du programme Roulez Electrique du gouvernement du Quebec ( rabais malheureusement applicable apres le calcul des taxes ). Of 1877? Le lundi 16 juillet en matinee, moi, ma conjointe et nos deux jeunes enfants sommes donc passes chez Plaza Chevrolet a Ville Saint-Laurent afin de recuperer la voiture qui autorise une autonomie de 40 a 80 km en mode entierement electrique avant la mise en marche de sa generatrice a essence. Benefits? Cette derniere permet ainsi de parcourir une distance totale de plus de 500 kilometres avant d'avoir a faire le plein d'essence si aucune borne de recharge electrique n'est disponible dans les environs. Enhancing Security? Une fois les presentations faites, M. Benefits Meals? Page a alors procede a un survol des caracteristiques de la voiture et de son fonctionnement, en plus de me remettre la documentation. Enron Study? Parmi les points presentes: la procedure de demarrage et d'arret du vehicule, la navigation dans les menus de l'ecran du tableau de bord et ses nombreuses fonctions ( totalisateurs kilometriques, indicateur de pression des pneus, indicateur de consommation electrique et d'essence, modes de conduite (normal, sport, montagne), radio XM et GPS. Benefits Meals? Il m'a aussi fait mention de la presence, a l'extremite du levier commandant l'allumage des phares, d'un bouton permettant d'aviser les pietons de notre presence de facon plus discrete qu'avec le traditionnel klaxon.
Naturellement, il m'a aussi explique le processus de recharge a l'aide du chargeur 120 Volts qui est inclus avec la voiture ainsi que de son emplacement ( dans le sous-coffre tout comme le compresseur permettant de gonfler un pneu en cas de crevaison ). And Touchdown In Time? Point important egalement mentionne: l'importance de deverrouiller les portieres avant de debrancher le chargeur afin d'eviter le declenchement de l'alarme du vehicule. Of Family Meals? Ce mecanisme a pour objectif de nous aviser dans le cas ou quelqu'un debrancherait la voiture pendant la recharge afin de subtiliser le chargeur ou de simplement y brancher sa voiture. A Sack, Tackle, And Touchdown? Ma premiere question, un peu genante, je l'avoue, a ete : 'Mais, au fait, ou insere-t-on la cle ? ' Et la reponse : nulle part. Benefits Meals? Il suffit de la deposer dans un vide-poche de l'habitacle ou de la conserver dans ses poches de pantalons. Compromise Of 1877? La voiture reconnait ainsi que vous etes en possession de la cle et permet donc le demarrage lors de la pression du bouton 'Power'.
J'avoue que durant ma periode d'essai du vehicule, j'ai adore cette fonctionnalite 'sans cle'. Benefits Meals? Pas besoin de chercher la cle dans ses poches afin de deverrouiller/verrouiller les portieres a distance, la seule pression du bouton sur la poignee du vehicule etant suffisante pour ces operations a condition d'avoir la cle sur soi, bien evidemment. Enron Case Study? target=_blank J’aime bien cette precision au sujet du mode montagne, et sa repond a certaine de mes questions. Le mode « montagne » a ete utilise sur l’autoroute sur une distance d’environ 15 kilometres et s’est solde par une consommation hors norme de 14,9 litres/100 km. Of Family? Par contre, cela nous a permis de mettre en banque environ 16 kilometres d’autonomie electrique. Essay On The? Selon mes savants calculs cela donne donc une consommation combinee d’environ 7 litres/100 km. je suis un peu comme un enfant impatient de recevoir. un cadeau. Benefits Of Family? et l'article me rend encore plus impatient. j'ai fait quelques calculs.Roulez electrique coute environ 1.5 cent /km. Roulez au gaz,coute environ 12 cents /km pour une auto consommant 9l/100 kms . Si les taxes quebecoises sont dans l'ordre de 25%,on peut dire qu'il y a 3 cents qui va dans.
les coffres du gouvernement a chaque km parcouru.Donc une perte de 1.5 cent /km si on Essay roule electrique. Si nous avons 1,000,000 de vehicules qui parcourent 15,000 kms / annee,alors il y aurait. un manque a gagner de 225,000,000$ annuellement. Je suis convaincu que si on meals est mieux administre au gouvernement et a hydro-Quebec, le Quebec peut absorber ce manque a gagner. On vend deja enormement d'electricite aux Etats-Unis a moitie de ce que l'on paie nous les contribuables,on pourrait peut-etre se servir en premier n'es-ce- pas si on the great est maitre chez nous. Quand on of family meals voit aussi que l'hydro paie 200,000,000$ par annee a une compagnie albertaine. pour garder une centrale au gaz fermee a Becancour et cela pendant 20 ans,c'est un exemple de mauvaise planification parmi d'autres..Voyez vous ce 200,000,000$ de perdu equivaut a peu pres au manque a gagner ci-dessus. pouvons nous les actionnaires d'hydro-Quebec faire en sorte de se servir de notre grande richesse et faire rouler nos voitures a l'electricite a un cout minime pour de nombreuses annees.Actuellement il ya d'enormes surplus d'electricite au Quebec et le reseau est deja capable d'absorber 1,000,000 de vehicules electriques.
On deviendra alors certainement un Quebec qui fera l'envie du monde entier. Felicitations a vous. et la prius branchable 49 gr./km. par rapport a mon infiniti c'est environ 9 tonnes de moins de co2 ,gaz a effet de serre. Pour la joie de roulez en mode 100% electrique avec une Prius, il est toujours possible de la bricoler en ajoutant un pack batteries et une switch mode electrique. Benihana Cost? +10Kw LifePo3 Lithium, BMS, chargeur. Of Family? pour moins de 10000$. The Great Compromise? Ce qui donne environ (selon ceux qui en ont fait l'essai, source: ecomodder.com) 50km en mode entierement electrique. Benefits? Meme sans subvention, ca peut valoir la peine de mettre a niveau une Prius, Escape Hybride ou un Highlander Hybride 7 passagers. Pour Info, j'ai une Volt 2012 (Belgique) et je viens de depasser les 6800 km. Resultat : je suis a 0,6 l de moyenne.
de 0 a 208 km utilisation de 8 l essence (essai et demo par le leader Chevrolet pour des clients), de 208 a 2562 km utilisation de 24,3 l et de 2560 a 6800 utilisation de 9,4 l. Conclusion: j'ai fait un plein a 200 km et un deuxieme a 2560 km et depuis plus rien et il me reste encore pour 360 km de carburant. L'economie n'est pas a l'achat mais a l'utilisation. Un gag. Enron? ma Volt vers 5.000 km m'a mis un message qu'elle devait faire une maintenance du moteur essence car il n'avait pas fonctionne assez, et donc le moteur thermique s'est mis en route 5 minutes . Benefits? :). Mes trajets journaliers sont d e+/-55 km/jours. Ma meilleure performance est de 91 km avec une charge, la moins bonne 41 km (en fevrier et il faisait tres froid) Le vendeur me jure que oui mai un vendeur reste un vendeur. Did Albert Accomplish? Merci de votre reponse. Si vous envisagiez de faire chaque aller (90 kM) entierement electrique, c'est pratiquement impossible a moins d'une temperature parfaite, de rouler assez lentement merci, et pourquoi pas un vent favorable. Benefits Of Family Meals? ;-)
Plus serieusement, selon les criteres habituels ET selon la saison (chauffage, climatisation, pneus d'hiver, etc), la moyenne de e-kM varie entre 40 et 80 kM. Par contre, tous les e-kM parcourus en mode VE reduiront la moyenne globale combinee (e-kM + g-kM) L/100 kM car la consommation en mode prolongation d'autonomie varie entre 5 et 7 L/100 g-kM une fois la batterie epuisee. La precision de conduite est bonne mais les conditions de la route ne se transmet pas au volant, Il faut rester en contact visuel afin de garder le cap, probablement que le comportement de la suspension et de la cerveau direction contribue a la douceur de conduite qui bloque ainsi le retour de la condition de la chausse, ce qui n'est pas un defaut en soit, la correction de cap se fait de facon plus lente, je trouve cela relaxant. Bref c'est positif et le negatif est que la sub ne sortira pas souvent de l'entre hum c'est plus tot du positif par tout a bien y pense. 2. Enron Case? L'essence super sans plomb n'est plus obligatoire maintenant on of family meals peut mettre de l'essence ordinaire. 3. Focus Security? Autonomie ameliorer 80-85 km dans la moyenne, parfois plus selon le concessionnaire. Je vous tiens au courant si moi et mon conjoint on benefits meals se decide de faire les achats des 2 volt, pour l'instant c'est oui a 95% ce qui me donne le plus le gout de l'acheter.
C'est le fait que si je prend une voiture neuve d'une autre marque plus cheap + l'essence qu'on paye par mois, les termes sont semblables au bout du compte ; mais le plus beau est quand les termes vont finir l'economie d'essence est toujours bonne pour la volt ( de plus la batterie est garantie 8 ans ). A Sack, And Touchdown Essay? L'autre voiture a essence, lui il a toujours son essence a payer et a quel prix elle va etre rendu la avec le cout de la vie qui augmente a chaque annee. Benefits Of Family Meals? De plus je trouve que le gouvernement se montre genereux car il offre pu un montant de 5000$ mais 8000$ a l'achat de la Volt 2016 ameliorer (mais combien de temps ils vont donner ce montant . Joy Of? ) autres chose que personnes mentionnent il y a d'autres economies considerable juste 1 changement d'huile par annee , les bougies use moin vite etc.. Benefits Of Family? Recharger la voiture exemple au Galerie de la Capital (Quebec) coute 2$ le temp approximatif d'une pose cafe un peu de magasinage et voila 80-85 km pour 2$. Enron Case Study? Il y a une rumeur que je veux mettre fin et que je pensais vrai : le moteur a essence embarque vers 90-100 km/heure (FAUX) si on benefits of family la laisse mode 100% electrique la volt consommera pas d'essence.